Welcome to the year 2022! I am excited to once again be bringing back one of my favorite yearly segments, my big yearly movie preview. I didn’t do this last year because we still had no idea what was going to be coming out. And while COVID still exists and the release schedule remains fluid to a certain extent, 2021 was a positive year in regards to box office recovery that ended in “Spider-Man: No Way Home” earning $1.7 billion at the worldwide box office and counting. So I am confident enough in the state of the industry to once again do this post. Movies will come out and it’s time to preview them! Even if I’m wrong and the world ends again, I enjoyed looking back at my 2020 post for this and I wish I had done a 2021 post. So regardless of what happens, we’re doing this and I will be curious looking back on this to compare what came out and what was better or worse than what I was expecting.
If you’re new to this post for whatever reason, this is not an all-encompassing list of everything coming out, but I take a lot of the major highlights of what’s currently on my radar and separate them into three categories: “The Good,” “The Bad,” and “The Maybe,” with brief commentary on each. Yeah, this post is always long, but I organize it in a way that hopefully makes it fun for you to look through and get yourself excited or scared for what’s coming our way. The order here is by release date, so this isn’t a ranked list. And as always, let me know which movies you are most excited for. I’m curious to know what you think.
And since we are one month in, if you’re curious about January, check out my January preview that I did earlier in the month. Or just know that “Scream” was really the only highlight. I wasn’t excited for it, and I haven’t seen it just yet, but it got better than expected reviews. The other three releases, “The 355,” “The King’s Daughter,” and “Redeeming Love,” all got critically panned and barely made a dent at the box office. Typical January affair. And no, “Cyrano” did not come out. But the anime “Belle” got a wide expansion, so that’s another highlight. Anyways, now it’s on to the main event!
The Good:
Death on the Nile – February 11
One of those movies that was supposed to come out in 2020 and has seen about a thousand new release dates since. Blame COVID for all of that. But this is the sequel to “Murder on the Orient Express,” a movie that I really enjoyed. Both “Murder on the Orient Express” and “Death on the Nile” are based on Agatha Christie novels. Kenneth Branagh is back to direct and star and has a whole new cast of big names joining him, highlighted by Gal Gadot, Annette Benning, and Russell Brand. Not bad timing for Branagh, either, as he’s about to get showered with Oscar nominations for his movie “Belfast” right before this movie’s release.
The Batman – March 4
Need I really say anything about this? It’s Batman, for crying out loud. And I’m a long time DC fan. Matt Reeves, director of the new Planet of the Apes trilogy, is in charge, with Robert Pattinson as Batman, an absolutely fantastic choice. If you’re still whining about “Twilight,” get yourself out of 2008 and enter 2022. Both Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are two of the industry’s best actors. And “The Batman” looks like it’s a dark, psychological thriller in the vein of “Se7en,” but with Batman characters. I can’t wait to dive into all three hours of it!
Turning Red – March 11
(Disney+)
I feel really bad for Pixar. Their third straight movie that got yanked off the theatrical schedule and dumped on Disney+. But hey, “Encanto” has gone absolutely crazy since getting put on Disney+, so maybe Disney knows what they’re doing? But yeah, I’m always excited for a new Pixar movie! Especially a Pixar original. They rarely miss with those.
The Adam Project – March 11
(Netflix)
Outside catching my attention because it has my name in it, when I looked up what this movie was, I learned that it’s Shawn Levy, director of “Free Guy,” re-teaming with Ryan Reynolds, star of “Free Guy.” That’s all I needed to know. It’s an action/adventure time travel thing. I’m not 100 percent sure that it’s actually getting released on March 11, but whenever Netflix decides to put this out, I’m immediately pressing play within minutes, if I can.
The Lost City – March 25
I watched the trailer for this and was won over. Sandra Bullock is an author and Channing Tatum is her book cover model. A crazy sequence of events has them on a cutthroat jungle adventure together. I’ve never heard of the directors, Aaron and Adam Nee, but Brad Pitt and Daniel Radcliffe also co-star. This looks like it could be a fun, sleeper hit.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 – April 8
We’ve come a long way since the original trailer for “Sonic” was released. The director listened to the fans, completely reanimated the movie, and released a final product that looked good and was a lot of fun. Then COVID hit a month later, making it the second highest grossing movie of the year… by default. Crazy that it’s been two years since all of that, but this sequel looks a lot of fun and adds both Tails and Knuckles to the mix.
The Bad Guys – April 22
When I looked this up, my first impression was that it looked like a really silly and dumb kids movie, but then I saw it was DreamWorks and was caught off guard that they had a movie coming out in a couple of months that I had never heard about. DreamWorks is always hit and miss, but watching this trailer was a bit of a romp. Maybe they won me over by having “Bad Guy” by Billie Eilish as their trailer song, but it also looks like one of the fun and wacky DreamWorks movie. A team of animals trying to pull off a heist. I’m always down for a fun heist movie, especially one as wacky as this trailer makes it out as.
The Northman – April 22
No, I don’t rank these movies by most anticipated, but if I did, this is No. 1. Yes, ahead of “The Batman” and all the Marvel stuff that you’ll eventually see. It’s the director of “The Witch,” one of my favorite movies of last decade, and “The Lighthouse,” an extremely solid follow-up. This guy likes diving into different historical eras to tell intense and edge-of-your seat stories that are accurate to the era. And with “The Northman,” he’s diving into the Vikings. And he’s bringing back Anya Taylor-Joy from “The Witch” and Willem Dafoe from “The Lighthouse,” along with Alexander Skarsgard, Nicole Kidman, and Ethan Hawke.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of
Madness – May 6
But of course all of the Marvel movies are going to be on this list. They’ve been on a 13-year winning streak with very few bumps in the road, so why would I doubt them? And I’m actually more excited for this current era of Marvel than I have any other era simply because they can tell whatever story they want with whatever characters and people will show up because the Marvel brand is so huge. So many new opportunities that I’m excited about. But with this one, “Doctor Strange” is still one of my top MCU films and I love multiverse stuff. Plus, Sam Raimi is returning to the superhero movie genre, so that has me excited! I would’ve hoped for Scott Derrickson to return, but if we can’t have him, Sam Raimi sounds like the perfect replacement.
DC League of Super Pets – May 20
OK, I saw this one on the schedule quite some time ago and laughed pretty good. DC is doing whatever the heck they want. They’ve completely abandoned their stint of copying Marvel and are just throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. The result is some pretty ugly lows, but also some insanely fun highs. And why not make an animated movie about all the super pets from the comic books? I just hope they don’t dive too deep into the bottom of the barrel humor often found in kid-targeted animated movies because this could be fun.
Top Gun: Maverick – May 27
Is this finally coming out? I wasn’t excited for it originally, but the initial trailer that dropped before COVID hit had me convinced that this could be fun. I’m mostly curious to see it finally come out after being one of the COVID victims, but if I can’t have Tom Cruise in “Mission: Impossible 7” this year (it got delayed when I was putting together this list), then I suppose him in “Maverick” will have to hold me over for now.
Lightyear – June 17
Crossing my fingers that Disney keeps this one in theaters. Pixar deserves to finally get a theatrically-released film. And given the Toy Story connection, I think their current plan is to keep it on the schedule, but we’ll see. The premise of this movie is a bit confusing to describe to other people, and that may result in confusion among casual movie-goers that this isn’t exactly the Toy Story spin-off that they might be expecting and it’s Chris Evans voicing Buzz Lightyear instead of Tim Allen. But once you wrap your mind around what they’re trying to do, a Lightyear-related space adventure done by Pixar should be a fun time.
Elvis – June 24
I’m not sure of “Elvis” is the official title of this movie, I’ve seen it still listed as untitled Elvis project in some places. But we’re on a kick of musical biopics of late and Elvis is finally getting his due. Baz Luhrmann is here to direct and he’s always selective with what he chooses to do. “The Great Gatsby” in 2013 was his most recent feature-length movie he directed. In fact, since “Mulan Rouge!” in 2001, he’s only directed two movies. So I pay attention whenever his name shows up. Austin Butler, a fairly unknown actor, is playing Elvis, with Tom Hanks on board to play a supporting role. Not all musical biopics work, but I trust Baz to do Elvis right.
Thor: Love and Thunder – July 8
Taika Waititi is back on board to direct another Thor movie. With “Ragnorak,” he took a dying Marvel franchise with a character few cared about and instantaneously made him one of everyone’s favorite. And now with many of the OG Avengers gone or retired, Thor is still alive and kicking. So of course I’m stoked to see what Taika has in store next. “Love and Thunder” sounds like such a Taika subtitle and I love it. And he also has Natalie Portman’s Jane Foster coming back and playing a Female Thor? Or Jane getting Thor-like powers? That sounds like a risky move, but I have full trust that Taika knows what he’s doing.
Nope – July 22
Yep. This is Jordan Peele’s next movie. After “Get Out” and “Us,” I think every horror fan is super excited for pretty much anything he has in store. I don’t even know what this is about, but I don’t care. It’s Jordan Peele’s next movie. That’s all we need to know.
Black Adam – July 29
If “The Batman” is too dark for your taste and “DC League of Super Pets” is too childish, then this might be DC’s most widely accessible movie of the year, especially since there are questions about “The Flash” and “Aquaman 2” that I’ll get into later. I’m excited for all of DC’s movies for different reasons, but “Black Adam” is DC adding Dwayne Johnson to their roster of characters and Dwayne Johnson is super excited to be bringing this character to life. It’s also in the Shazam-verse of whatever DC’s timeline is right now. And “Shazam!” is one of DC’s best recent films. The character of Black Adam is an anti-hero that I assume is going to be a big player in the “Shazam!” sequel that’s currently scheduled for 2023. If not, they’ll cross paths eventually. And whenever that is, I’m excited for it to happen.
Don’t Worry Darling – September 23
Olivia Wilde’s second feature-length directorial effort. And she did quite well for herself in “Booksmart,” a movie I never saw but heard very strong praises across the board. And by the looks of the poster and premise, she’s diving into the horror/thriller realm. Florence Pugh and Harry Styles star in a movie about a 1950s housewife learning that her husband’s company is hiding disturbing secrets. I’ll perhaps revisit my thoughts when a trailer is out and we know more, but initial information has my curiosity piqued.
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish – September 23
I saw this on the schedule and I initially didn’t believe it. They’ve been trying to make this Puss in Boots sequel for years, almost right after the first on came out in late 2011. But it’s gone through so many delays and changes, most notably when DreamWorks restructured their whole company after a string of failures. They dumped so many movies and this was one of them. “The Croods 2” was in the same boat and finally came out at the end of 2020, so maybe this is real? If it is, I’m on board because “Puss in Boots” was a fun Shrek spin-off that felt more like a Zorro movie than a Shrek movie. There’s a lot of options to take the franchise if they are want to continue, so I’m up for the adventure.
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse -
Part One – October 7
I’m a bit weary of the “Part One” designation here. If they’re announcing off the bat with that title that this is only going to be half of a movie, I fear disappointment could be in this movie’s future. It’s also hard to catch lightning in a bottle twice. But those nitpicks aside, this is the sequel to “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.” That alone is cause for excitement. There’s so much in this universe that I want to see and I’m ready to continue exploring.
Disenchanted – Fall 2022
(Disney+)
Speaking of a movie that should’ve happened a decade ago, it should not have taken a full 15 years to get a sequel to “Enchanted.” But it’s finally happening, with Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, Idina Menzel, and James Marsden are all back on board. Belated sequels are often a cause for worry. But hopefully they’ve spent this time getting the script right because “Enchanted” is one of my favorite live-action Disney movies. It deserves a good sequel. I don’t know when this is coming. Disney didn’t set a date. They just said Fall of 2022.
The Flash – November 4
I almost put this one in the maybe category, if I’m being honest. It’s finally our first live action film version of “The Flash,” something that baffles me that it took until 2022 to do when the Flash is one of the most popular DC characters. And that’s cause for excitement. It’s also cause for excitement that Michael Keaton’s Batman will be back in this movie. How? Well, it’s the Flash. If you’ve watched any of the now eight seasons of the Grant Gustin led TV show on the CW, you’ll know that multiverse and wacky timelines are their specialty. The problem for me, though, is that they’ve gone through so many production issues here that it worries me. Lots of directors and lots of story ideas. I think they’re still doing Flashpoint, but I’m not so sure anymore. And the last time they did a panel on a DC event for this movie, there didn’t seem to be as much positive energy as the other projects. I hope they got it all figured out, but I worry.
Untitled Bee Gees Biopic – November 4
Again, like I mentioned with the Elvis biopic, musical biopics are the popular thing to do. If they do it right, there is a lot of interesting story to tell with the Bee Gees. So I’m willing to be excited for it. This is Kenneth Branagh again directing. Yes, that means he’s been busy with this, “Death on the Nile,” and “Belfast.” But I’m assuming “Death on the Nile” was finished ages ago and has just been waiting for Disney to decide to release it. So he has time. Although outside Branagh directing and it being a Bee Gees biopic, I know nothing else about this. IMDb doesn’t even have a cast or writers listed. So is this one even on track?
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever – November 11
And the Marvel movie I have the most questions about is undoubtedly this Black Panther sequel. As we all know, Chadwick Boseman tragically passed away and the whole world wishes he were still here to do this sequel. And I’m sure everyone at Marvel wishes that, too. And I’m sure they have it all figured out to properly honor his legacy and make a movie that he’d be proud of. They’ve just kept it all under wraps, so I don’t know what their plan is, outside saying that they won’t be recasting Black Panther. Just having someone take over the mantle, I’m assuming. But who? And will the result be as smooth as everyone hopes? I’m sure we’ll eventually get an idea when they decided to release a trailer and start advertising, but that might not be until the summer until after “Thor: Love and Thunder” gets released.
She Said – November 18
This is where we get into Oscar territory. Predicting what movies are going to be big players this far in advance is nearly impossible. But on paper this one seems like it will at least have people’s attention. It’s the story of the “Me Too” movement, specifically in regards to sexual assault allegations against Harvey Weinstein, as exposed by New York Times journalists Megan Twohey and Jodi Kantor. So this has the potential to be one of the most important movies of the year. Directed by Maria Schrader and starring Carey Mulligan and Zoe Kazan as the two reporters. Based on the 2019 book by Twohey and Kantor.
Creed III – November 23
I am a big fan of the Rocky franchise and so I’m always excited when a new entry comes along. Michael B. Jordan did an excellent job of taking on the mantle from Sylvester Stallone and both Creed movies were really good. And this time around, Michael B. Jordan is directing the movie in what will be his directorial debut. They haven’t revealed much of anything else about the movie just yet, but I’ll be down for whatever fight they have in store.
The Fabelmans – November 23
Another very early Oscar projection is that it could be the year of Steven Spielberg. Think of “Roma” or “Belfast” with “The Fabelmans,” but for Spielberg. A semi-autobiographical film directed by him about his life growing up. Michelle Williams, Seth Rogen, and Paul Dano are the top billed cast members for this, with a young actor named Gabriel LaBelle playing Sammy Fabelman, the representation of Speilberg. Most of Spielberg’s movies get showered with Oscars, but it’s been since “Saving Private Ryan” in 1999 that he won best director and “Schindler’s List” in 1994 since a movie of his has won best picture. Will this be the year they reward him again, assuming “West Side Story” doesn’t win the 2021 best picture?
Strange World – November 23
The next entry for Walt Disney Animation Studios. And they love this Thanksgiving release date. There’s not a whole lot they’ve released in regards to plot and voice cast because they’re focused on advertising the two Pixar movies at the moment. What I can piece together is that the plot revolves around a family of explorers. IMDb lists Alan Tudyk as a cast member. And Don Hall is directing. He was one of the co-directors on “Raya,” “Moana” and “Big Hero 6. But anyways, it’s a Disney animated movie. That’s enough for me to be excited.
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom – December 16
Look, I’m not happy about the whole Johnny Depp and Amber Heard thing either. But am I going to boycott “Aquaman 2” because Warner Bros. is keeping Amber Heard in the movie after firing Johnny Depp from Fantastic Beasts, when it maybe should’ve been the other way around? Or at least get rid of both of them? No, I’m not. Because there’s so many others involved with this movie who had nothing to do with all of that and are innocently just trying to make another fun Aquaman movie. And I rather enjoyed the first Aquaman, so I’m excited to see what James Wan has in store next.
Babylon – December 25
It’s Damien Chazelle’s next movie. That’s all I need to be excited. “La La Land” was also one of my top movies of last decade and “Whiplash” before that was high up on my list, too. I even interviewed Chazelle over the phone when I did my internship for Deseret News, so you might say I’m invested in what he does. The subject matter is pre-code Hollywood in the 20s and 30s and the stars are Brad Pitt, Tobey Maguire, Olivia Wilde, and Margot Robbie. But the Damien Chazelle aspect of this is what really has be drawn in.
Blonde – TBD 2022
(Netflix)
I don’t know when Netflix is planning on releasing this movie. They don’t really reveal that until they’re ready to start advertising, but this is another buzzy film that I’ve been hearing early word of in regards to the awards circuit. It’s a movie about Marilyn Monroe. And yes, we’ve had a movie like that before. But buzz I’ve been hearing is that this is a more intense version that perhaps is less sugar-coated when it comes to her story. Maybe that means it’s not quite as accessible to the general audience, but her story is a very interesting and tragic one. Ana de Armas is playing Marilyn Monroe and she’s a great actress who deserves more attention.
Knives Out 2 – TBD 2022
(Netflix)
Again, no idea when Netflix is releasing this. But they paid
a lot of money for the rights to stream the “Knives Out” sequels. I think this
is slated for the end of the year. And there’s a chance they push into 2023 if
they’re not ready for it. But Rian Johnson is back to write and direct. Daniel
Craig is back as Benoit Blanc. And alongside Daniel Craig is a huge list of
stars completely different than the first movie. New story. New mystery. New
characters. But if it’s the same tone and feel as the first “Knives Out,” give
me all of the sequels. I’m a bit disappointed that this is a Netflix movie and
not a theatrical movie. But hey, Netflix has released some of their recent
movies in theaters, so maybe they’ll do that here.
The Bad:
Home Team – January 28 (Netflix)
OK, so this movie is already out on Netflix right now, so maybe this is cheating, but Adam Sandler’s production company, Happy Madison Productions, is responsible for this movie. And most of the time those movies are harmless garbage not worth mentioning, but this time they made a movie about NFL head coach Sean Payton during the time when he was suspended from coaching. Which is all fine and dandy, but Kevin James is playing Sean Payton. Like, what? Kevin James might have the same hair color as Sean Payton, but that’s about as far as the comparisons go. It might be the most hilariously bad casting choice I’ve heard.
Moonfall – February 4
It’s Roland Emmerich. He doesn’t make good movies. Sure, at first I was curious about a sci-fi action movie, albeit confused as to why it’s coming out in a few days and I’ve barely heard of it. But then I saw Roland’s name and was immediately like, no thank you. And if your argument back is that he made “Independence Day,” my comeback will be, yeah… and when? Because that’s literally the last time he made a movie that’s worth anything. And even that movie might be a tad bit overrated and nostalgia fueled.
Blacklight – February 11
It might be low-hanging fruit to hate on all these February movies, but are we done with these generic Liam Neeson action movies? He makes one or two of them a year now and they’re never worth anything. If you’ve seen one of these poorly done Taken rip-offs (a movie that’s not that good, anyways), you’ve seen all of that. And that’s all this is.
Uncharted – February 18
Movies based on video games rarely work. I personally know nothing about “Uncharted.” I’m not a gamer. And so people confused at the Tom Holland casting is not why I’m low on this, even though I do understand the worry about him looking absolutely nothing like the character in the games. It’s better to cast someone who can pull off the character rather than casting someone just because they’re popular. My worry as a neutral onlooker is that this just looks extremely generic and boring. Like we’ve seen this movie a hundred times before and this adds nothing new. I’m ready to add it to the long list of video game movies that have completely failed. It’s not a coincidence. The genre doesn’t present itself to movie format.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – February 18
(Netflix)
Horror movies are a dime a dozen. They cost little to make and thus it’s easy to make a profit, so I’m used to them milking franchises to death. It’s whatever. But “Halloween” set an annoying trend of doing reboot/sequels of classic horror franchises with the same exact title as the original. So now apparently EVERY horror franchise has to follow suit. And this one doesn’t even look like they’re trying. Hire a no-name director, a cast that you’ve mostly never heard of, and throw it straight to Netflix. And I’m willing to bet they’ll ignore everything about what made the first movie so effective and be an empty killfest instead.
Cheaper by the Dozen – March 2022
(Disney+)
File this into the category of remakes that I don’t think anyone needed or asked for. It’s Gabrielle Union and Zach Braff, if you’re curious. And a straight to Disney+ movie that doesn’t even have a trailer yet. Just a couple of months ago Disney said this is March of 2022 on Disney+, so they might want to start advertising it. Or maybe they know it’s really bad and are just planning on using it as watch-bait for the five-year-olds. Not that straight to Disney+ is an indication of quality. They’re putting everything they can on Disney+ and have some exciting ones coming. But Disney+ is also the new Disney Channel Original Movies thing. And to me this looks like exactly that. See “Home Sweet Home Alone,” for example.
Morbius – April 1
I don’t want to just follow the trends and jump on the Jared Leto hate bandwagon. But he’s not doing himself a whole lot of favors, either. “Morbius” is another one of those movies that has been the victim of COVID delays. And I don’t think it looks quite as bad as some claim it does, but every time they push it back, I feel myself less interested in seeing what they have to offer. It doesn’t help that this is one of Sony’s solo adventures. They’ve done very well with the help of Marvel Studios and Kevin Feige, but both Venom movies have left something to be desired for, even if I think the first is better than some give it credit. Even beyond that, their record is quite spotty and don’t know if a vampire villain movie is something that was that great of an idea in the first place. We’ve kinda overdone the vampire genre.
Ambulance – April 8
It’s Michael Bay. Granted, he has a slightly better track record than Roland Emmerich. The 2016 movie “13 Hours” was just fine. And his 90s films were perfect for their time. But still, I’m not going to let myself get excited for a new Michael Bay movie, especially not one about two robbers that steal an ambulance after their heist goes bad, even if it does star Jake Gyllenhaal and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II. You watch the trailer and you see all the Michael Bay style of explosions and you roll your eyes because the guy just can’t help himself.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of
Dumbledore – April 15
If you see my “Aquaman 2” discussion above, you’ll know that I’m not boycotting the movie just because Amber Heard is still in it. Likewise, it’s only fair for me to not boycott the latest Fantastic Beasts movie simply because they unfairly fired Johnny Depp. I’ll see the movie. But I got burned hard by “Crimes of Grindelwald.” It was a terrible movie in just about every way. JK Rowling should not write movie scripts. It’s different than writing a book. And it’s baffling that she seemed to have no idea how well people knew her books given how many gross inconsistencies there were in the movie. Not to mention it was a poorly structured movie in its own right that wasn’t interesting. With that background in mind, we have the title that instantly became a meme and a punchline and a trailer that just delivered nothing.
Jurassic World: Dominion – June 10
The small bit of hope that I have for this third Jurassic World movie is that Colin Trevorrow said that he wanted to make a Jurassic movie where the dinosaurs are running free around the world. And this is exactly what this movie will be. That means the previous two movies literally only existed to set up this movie, so I hope it turns out. But I am really sick and tired of watching dumb people make dumb decisions just so we can watch dinosaurs run around and eat people. “Jurassic Park” was a horror movie. And it was an insanely smart, well set-up, intense horror movie. It absolutely infuriates me that this movie devolved into a brainless action film with no plot and no intelligence. And I’m even more infuriated that many don’t care and love it anyways, because… DINOSAURS. That’s literally some people’s only defense. “Adam, I know what you are saying is right, but I don’t care. I love it because DINOSAURS.” Well, do you know what? You can go drool all over yourself watching dinosaurs on screen. I’ll be in my corner crying that they removed the heart and soul out of my favorite franchise and completely tossed in the trash. I’m not mad. Not at all.
Halloween Ends – October 14
No. I don’t believe it. These horror franchises will never end. So how DARE you insult my intelligence by claiming in the title that this is the final Halloween movie. I’m not that stupid. Also, your previous movie sucked, that being 2021’s “Halloween Kills,” of course.
Hocus Pocus 2 – Fall 2022 (Disney+)
The original “Hocus Pocus” is a bad movie. It’s a really, really bad movie. And the prime example of how holiday nostalgia can singlehandedly boost a bad movie and trick you into thinking it’s something great and special. So, no, I don’t care that they’re finally doing a sequel to this bizarre phenomenon that is the atrocity of “Hocus Pocus.”
Pinocchio – Fall 2022
(Disney+)
OK, I’m not a part of the band wagon that hates all of these Disney live action remakes and will automatically dread every one of them. There is a decent chance that this one could be good. I’ve enjoyed plenty of them. But do you realize how many times the story of “Pinocchio” has been made and remade? It’s rather ridiculous. But the real reason that this movie is on here is that we’re getting TWO of them this year. Because of that, they’re both going on the bad list and will have an uphill battle in trying to prove themselves. This one is Disney’s version, going straight to Disney+ at some point and is directed by Robert Zemeckis, who himself is on a bit of a losing streak. But hey, Tom Hanks is Geppetto. I like that casting choice.
Avatar 2 – December 16
I bet this isn’t the list you expected this movie to be on. Maybe this is a hot take, but I think “Avatar 2” is going to be a widely disliked movie that is going to vastly underperform. Here’s the thing. “Avatar” was a groundbreaking, revolutionary cinematic experience with what it did for 3D. People saw it and loved it because of the 3D and the visual experience that brought. And THAT’S why it became the highest grossing movie ever worldwide. Fast forward 13 years and no one cares about 3D anymore. It’s not even really a thing that is offered. The plot of the movie was never the strength. In fact, the plot is really generic and bad. So explain to me what the draw of an “Avatar 2” is when the reason people loved it is not a thing anymore? I think people are going to be really burned out of this franchise long before “Avatar 5” comes out in 2028. Yes, you heard that right. Instead of making one movie and releasing in in 2012 like he should’ve, James Cameron spent the last 13 years making FOUR sequels at once. And I think that’s going to wind up being a massive mistake.
Mario – December 21
Call me weird, but I’m really happy that this movie is coming and I hope it is a massive success for Illumination. So why do I say that, then proceed to put it in the bad section? Well. Allow me to explain. There’s a 90s live action Mario movie that is one of the worst movies ever. But since that’s the only Mario movie, it is currently “the” Mario movie, if you know what I mean. I’m glad that we get to erase that movie’s title of being “the” Mario movie. Also, there are so many awesome Nintendo properties that deserve movies that could potentially be on the way if this Mario movie does really well. So I’m rooting for it. But Mario is not a franchise that lends itself to an interesting story. And I say that as one of the biggest Mario fans there is. It’s also Illumination and most of their movies are bad. And they have a weird cast that includes Chris Pratt as the voice of Mario. That makes no sense at all.
Blade of the 47 Ronin – TBD 2022
(Netflix)
Remember that 2013 movie starring Keanu Reeves called “47 Ronin”? If you don’t, that’s because it was really bad and did terrible at the box office. So naturally it makes sense to do a sequel ten years after it came out. And it’s not something that has developed a cult following since it flopped. It’s just a bad movie with no fans that is getting a sequel. The positive note is that it’s a completely different cast and crew. So maybe it’ll be an actual Samurai movie instead of a bad American movie pretending to be a Samurai movie?
Pinocchio – TBD 2022
(Netflix)
I told you we had two
Pinocchio movies coming out this year. This is the non-Disney version heading
to Netflix probably around the same ballpark as Disney’s version is going to
Disney+. Neither has a date. But this one is a stop-motion animation version
with Guillermo del Torro directing. That’s kinda cool. But I still don’t know
if it’s necessary. It’s also described as a darker version of the story. And
Pinocchio is dark enough as is, so I really don’t know if we need a darker
version of an already dark story.
The Maybe:
Jackass Forever – February 4
I have no interest in these guys. But I know many people who do. Just a bunch of grown men who are pre-teens at heart doing dangerous stunts and getting beaten up and punched around. I know there’s a name for this type of physical comedy, but I can’t think of it. Granted, I’ll watch my fair share of dumb YouTube videos of people getting hurt. And I can watch the MTV show “Ridiculousness” for hours. But something about people purposely hurting themselves to get people to laugh at them I think is weird. But I’m putting this here as an FYI if you do like these guys.
Marry Me – February 11
The cute romance movie for Valentine’s Day. It seems harmless and the right crowd will probably enjoy it. Jennifer Lopez plays a superstar and Owen Wilson plays the nobody she pulls up onto stage and decides to marry instead of her celebrity fiancé. But I don’t know, when I watch the trailer and see Owen Wilson playing the nobody, it just seems kinda weird. As much as I love him as an actor, he’s not the type of guy that can blend. I think it would work better if they cast a lesser known actor to play his part?
Dog – February 18
A movie about a man and his dog. Channing Tatum stars and co-directs. He’s a former Army Ranger and the do is a former Army dog. They are paired together against their will and learn to get along. Seems like a cute movie.
Sneakerella – February 18
(Disney+)
OK, now speaking of Disney Channel Original Movie, this one totally has that vibe. The story of Cinderella, but set around modern-day sneakers. Depending on your view of DCOMs, you might love this or hate this. It’s probably going to be bad, but the right audience won’t care.
Downton Abbey: A New Era – March 18
Another FYI sort of thing. One day I’ll watch “Downton Abbey.” I’ve heard great things and I’d probably enjoy it. It’s just not too terribly high on my list of shows to catch up on. The first movie they did a couple of years ago did really well, so it makes sense for them to make another one and keep the franchise going.
Operation Furtune: Ruse de guerre – March 18
A Guy Ritchie movie starring Jason Statham. It’s probably all you need to know. You’re either in or out based on that statement. And that’s the running theme so far with this part of the list. Niche movies for niche audiences. Nothing wrong with that.
The Unbreakable Boy – March 18
A PG-rated family-friendly drama about a young boy with a rare bone disease and autism. A very tough allotment in life that he takes with the most cheerful approach possible. Reading that premise reminds me of the movie “Wonder,” which the poster has right on the top. “From the studio that brought you ‘Wonder.’” Zachary Levi stars and the director is Jon Gunn, the director of “The Case for Christ” and “Do You Believe,” so this also could be an Easter-themed religious movie, but I’m not 100 percent sure if that’s the exact angle they’re going.
Thirteen Lives – April 15
This is a drama about a group of young boys in Thailand and their soccer coach that guy trapped in some underground caves and the rescue mission that is assembled to save them. It’s a Ron Howard directed movie with Colin Farrell, Viggo Mortensen, and Joel Edgerton in lead roles.
65 – April 29
I sometimes get weary of April releases, especially ones released at the end of April that we know is going to get drowned out immediately by the summer movie season. But this is a sci-fi thriller about an astronaut crash landing on a mysterious planet. It stars Adam Driver and the director the director team of Scott Beck and Bryan Woods were writers that helped on “A Quiet Place.” So there’s enough there to get me intrigued.
Bob’s Burgers – May 27
Another FYI entry here. I’ve never seen “Bob’s Burgers” and don’t really have a strong desire to. But those who are fans might be interested in this movie.
The Black Phone – June 24
This is a horror movie that has been decently well advertised in movies that I’ve gone to. And if I’m being honest, it looks like an extremely generic horror movie. And maybe it still will be, but I looked up the cast and crew and it’s a Scott Derrickson movie. He’s the director of “Doctor Strange,” as well as horror movies such as “Sinister,” “Deliver Us from Evil” and “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.” So his name makes me slightly more curious.
Bullet Train – July 15
A David Leitch directed action movie. He’s one of the two “John Wick” directors, the one that went onto direct “Atomic Blonde,” “Deadpool 2” and “Hobbs & Shaw,” while letting the other guy, Chad Stahelski, direct the other “John Wick” sequels. I think Stahelski has proven to be the better of the two, but I’m still curious about a David Leitch movie. This one stars Brad Pitt, Sandra Bullock, Zazie Beetz, and several others and is about five assassins on a train.
Blazing Samurai – July 22
An animated movie that looks like it’ll be fun for the kids. It’s essentially a parody of Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles,” which is directly mentioned on the poster, alongside “The Lion King” and “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.” The poster has a giant cat that looks like he’s in a Samurai outfit, which also reminds me of “Kung Fu Panda.” So it looks like it’s trying to be a fun parody of a bunch of other movies. And I would be more excited if it was actually from a major animated studio, but it’s Paramount Animation trying their best to join the animation game after being founded in 2011 and having mixed success, so I’m just a bit skeptic.
The Man from Toronto – August 12
An August action movie from the director of “The Hitman’s Bodyguard,” along with its sequel. It probably knows exactly what it is. The premise is about the world’s deadliest assassin and New York’s biggest screw-up being mistake for each other. Kaley Cuoco, Woody Harrelson, and Kevin Hart star in the movie. I’m not quite sure which one is who.
Samaritan – August 26
This is a movie that I might be slightly more excited for if it wasn’t for the late August release date. Maybe that’s unfair, but where a studio decides to put a movie can say a lot about their confidence in said movie. But that aside, if anyone remembers the 2018 movie “Overlord,” which was essentially a zombie D-Day movie, this is the same director. And I thought that movie was a lot of fun, which is why I’m curious about this one. The premise is about a young boy learning that a superhero who was thought to go missing 20 years previously might still be around. Sylvester Stallone is one of the lead stars in the movie.
Dark Harvest – September 9
Warner Bros. learned with “IT” that the second weekend of September is a really good one to release a horror movie. And they’ve take that spot every year since. This is not that movie. That’s coming up next. But other studios have decided they want to join the club. So we currently have two horror movies on the schedule for this weekend. “Dark Harvest” is from United Artists and is about a monster called October Boy that rises from the cornfields every Halloween. Based on the 2006 horror novel by Norman Partridge. The director is David Slade, who has directed a few “Black Mirror” episodes and other random projects.
Salem’s Lot – September 9
This is the Warner Bros. horror movie that I was just referencing. They put a horror movie on this weekend every year. And this is said movie for 2022. It’s based on a Stephen King novel about a writer who travels to a town where people become vampires. The director is Gary Dauberman, an in-house name for Warner Bros., it appears. He directed the third Annabelle movie and helped out as a writer on some of these other Warner Bros. horrors, like “IT,” “The Nun,” and all three Anabelle movies. I don’t know which of these horror movies are going to be a hit, or if they’re both going to stay on that date. But I now have my eye on both.
White Bird: A Wonder Story – September 16
A movie about a young Jewish girl hidden by a boy and his family in Nazi-occupied France during World War II. So we’ve seen a lot of movies like this and they’re sometimes really good. I don’t know if this is going to be on the level of “Jojo Rabbit” or “The Book Thief,” but it’s worth watching out for at the least. Marc Forster is the director. He did “Christopher Robin” and “Finding Neverland,” so he’s done his fair share of feel-good movies. He also directed “Quantum of Solace” and “World War Z,” so you can say that he has a varied resume.
Untitled David O. Russell Project – November 4
David O. Russell is one of those directors who, when he releases a movie, all the Awards people pay attention. “The Fighter,” “Silver Linings Playbook,” and “American Hustle” all got showered with Oscar nominations. “Joy” in 2015 not so much, but it still got Jennifer Lawrence another Oscar nomination. But he hasn’t done a movie since “Joy,” so this is kinda a big deal, even though we don’t have a title or a premise yet. But it is a movie starring everyone in Hollywood, which is also often the case with David O. Russell movies. This one brings in Anya Taylor-Joy, Margot Robbie, Timothy Olyphant, Christian Bale, Zoe Saldana, Robert De Niro, Rami Malek, Michael Shannon, John David Washington, Mike Meyers, Chris Rock, and even Taylor Swift. So how about that for a movie cast? Sounds like “American Hustle” to me, which I was not a fan of. Once I know more about what this is, I’ll decide how excited I am.
Violent Night – December 2
A Christmas-themed action film whose title made me laugh, so I had to put it on. It’s probably going to be a bad movie and not make much of an impact at the box office, but so be it. It stars David Harbour and is produced by David Leitch, although not directed. I talked about him up in the “Bullet Train” segment of this post.
P31 – December 21
OK, so I have no idea what this really is, but I was highly amused by it. It’s a musical adaptation of Psalms 31, which is the Psalm that talks about a virtuous woman being more precious than rubies. And for the life of me I couldn’t figure out if this is a Christmas musical that I should be excited about or a worldly musical that uses Christian imagery that I should be worried about. And the director is a guy who directed a 2017 movie called “The Jesus Freak,” a movie I’d never heard of about Christians going to Las Vegas with the intent on converting people, but get quickly tempted. So that didn’t help me out. And I don’t know if this is even going to be big enough to be a thing that is actually a thing or is a small movie released in just a few random theaters. I guess I’ll know more about this mystery when December rolls around.
I Want to Dance with Somebody – December 23
Another musical biopic being released this year. We have one on Elvis and another on the Bee Gees that I talked about earlier. And this is a biopic about Whitney Houston. Which definitely has a lot of potential. I don’t know why this is down in the maybe while the other two are in the good section, but I think it’s more because this release is further out the director, Kasi Lemmons, is more of an unproven filmmaker. “Harriet” was her last film and that was supposed to be a big Oscar film, but got met with very mixed results. She also did “Black Nativity” in 2013, which again had mixed reviews. But if she can pull this off, I could see this positioned as a big Oscar film. It has a better release date than Elvis and the Bee Gees as far as Oscars go.
Night at the Museum: Kahmunrah Rises – TBD 2022
(Disney+)
I guess this is the year where Disney brings back all of their old franchises to give them another sequel. I suppose the last “Night at the Museum” was in 2014, so not as old as “Enchanted” or “Hocus Pocus.” But hey, I enjoyed the Night at the Museum movies. Give me a decent sequel and I’ll fire up my Disney+ for it. I’ll admit that “Kahmunrah Rises” is a great subtitle.
Peter Pan & Wendy – TBD 2022
(Disney+)
I’m not as negative on this as I am a bit Grinchy on getting two Pinocchio movies in one year. “Peter Pan & Wendy” is directed by David Lowery, who directed the “Pete’s Dragon” remake, which was really good. So I have faith in him. It’s just that we have so many Peter Pan movies that I’m wondering if we really need another one. And if we do, what’s the new take that they’re bringing to the table. The fact that Wendy gets a spot in the title makes me think that their relationship gets more of a focus, but looking at the cast, which is fairly impressive, makes it look like a traditional Peter Pan. So I don’t know. It’s a Disney+ release, so whenever Disney decides to put this one out, I’ll be curious enough to check it out.
All Quiet on the Western Front – TBD 2022
(Netflix)
