Tuesday, January 19, 2016

DrogeMiester's Top 10 WORST Movies of 2015

A few days ago I gave you my list of my top 10 favorite movies of 2015. If you missed that list, I have it linked right there for you to catch up on. Now it's time to do the opposite and give you my least favorite movies of 2015. As a reminder, this is my list. If you liked some of these movies, that's great. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I didn't want to hate these movies. I always go into a movie hoping to like it, but sometimes that's just not what happens. In the case of these movies, my experience was a disaster. It's also worth noting that, once again, I did not see every movie this year. In fact, when it comes to bad movies there are some that I just had no desire to see. As an example of this, I'll let the cat out of the bag right away. I had no desire to give Fifty Shades of Grey one penny of my money. Does the movie promote rape and sexual abuse? No. Does it look like a really cheap porn flick with horrible characters, acting, dialogue, and story? Yes. So I didn't see it. It's not the only bad movie I skipped. But there were enough atrocities for me to feel comfortable doing this list. So here they are!

10- Taken 3

I'm one of the few people who thought that the fist Taken movie was really dumb. I love Liam Neeson and he's done a lot of great action movies recently, but there's just no intelligence behind this Taken trilogy at all. And they got worse as they went. In this disgraceful third chapter they decided to go the Fugitive route where Liam Neeson was accused of killing his wife and the FBI went on a man hunt to try to find him. And none of it made any sense at all. There was no reason to believe that he actually killed his wife and there was certainly no reason for the FBI to jump to so many conclusions and assume that Liam Neeson was their one and only suspect. Yet that's what happened for most of the movie. I don't blame the actors for this. Liam Neeson and Forest Whitaker tried their best. But there was just nothing to work with as the writing and directing was just so bad. This was just a cash grab. Nothing more. And no one seemed to care about actually making a quality movie. There wasn't even hardly any action sequences that made some people actually like the other Taken movies. They said this was the last one. Let's hope they're true to their word.

9- The Divergent Series: Insurgent

After The Hunger Games was such a big hit, there was some pretty big buzz following Divergent. People told me that the books were good. People said that the story was refreshing and original. Then people said the movie was fantastic! Well I must've been shown a different movie in theaters because the Divergent movie I saw was so dull and boring with no originality whatsoever. It's like the author read The Hungers Games and decided to change the names as well as adding a bunch of things from other successful novels/movies in this genre and make a bunch of money. I guess that worked. Money was made both with the books and the movies, but I personally thought it was a joke. However, it was good enough to barely miss this list last year. I also honestly held the hope that Insurgent would improve on the dull first novel, but holy cow it just got a whole lot worse. I rolled my eyes at Divergent. But Insurgent was actually hard to get through. I love Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort, and Miles Teller as actors. I think they are all talented. But nothing worked for me here. And poor Miles Teller shows up twice on this list, neither of which is his fault. Now are y'all ready for the movie based on first half of the final book this year? I'm not.

8- Pixels

I spent a lot of time defending Adam Sandler and Kevin James leading up to the release of this movie. Both of them have made plenty of good movies in the past, so to me it was silly to hate on a movie solely based on the fact that the two of them were in it. The premise of this movie was genius. Video game characters attacking the Earth? That should've been a lot of fun. And Chris Columbus on as director? That's the guy who gave us Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire, and the first two Harry Potter movies. He knows how to make a good movie. Or so I thought. Apparently he forgot because this was horrible. Turns out all the Adam Sandler haters were spot on this time around. This was supposed to be funny. I think I was supposed to laugh. I didn't. Video game characters attacking Earth was supposed to be fun. It wasn't. It was all just stupid. No one was invested in this movie. All of the actors were just there to get a paycheck. The writers apparently didn't even try to make it funny or fun. Instead it was mostly just racist, sexist, and outright stupid. Kevin James as president of the United States was horrible. Adam Sandler and the romance storyline was painful. The fact that him and his buddies were the only ones capable of shooting a freaking gun at these video game characters was a joke. The only reason why this isn't higher up is because the Pacman sequence was kinda fun. But that's literally it.

7- Pan

Every 10 years or so Hollywood decides that it's time to remake Peter Pan again. I don't know why this is the case, but if we have to do this I can at least respect the idea of doing something different. I kinda liked the idea of doing a prequel where we explain how Peter Pan got to Neverland. The idea of Hook being a protagonist to start things off was interesting. We can tell the story of how they became enemies. Add a fantastic cast and a great director and things were looking great! Until the trailers started being released. Uh-oh. I suddenly got really nervous. The trailers were terrible. And turns out that uh-oh was right. We have the dumbest, most cliche orphanage scene to start things off. I just wanted to get to Neverland. But then the journey to Neverland felt like an acid trip and when we got to Neverland they were singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Might I remind you that this was set in World War II. That song didn't exist!!! But dumb things like that set the tone for the rest of this movie to the point where if you are a fan of Peter Pan, this movie will be offensive to you because nothing is right. It's all horrible and hard to watch. It baffles me how people like Hugh Jackman and Rooney Mara can read scripts like this and decide that it's a good idea to accept the job. 

6- Terminator: Genisys

Well here's a franchise that should've ended 20 years ago. If you haven't seen the first two Terminator movies, go watch them. They are two of the best action/sci-fi movies ever made. But then the rights went to someone else and then those someone elses decided to continue a franchise that was wrapped up in the most perfect way. In doing so, there were so many continuity errors that it was apparent that for some reason the new people in charge did not care for those first two classics at all. That third Terminator movie was a disaster. The fourth one had nothing to do with anything. And yet we still got a fifth one. And we might even get a sixth one. Stop it! Just stop it! Now to be fair, the initial premise of this movie is interesting. They go back to the events of the first movie and had they stayed there, this could've be a fun movie. But then they jumped into the future and the whole thing became a confusing mess. Time travel is a fun subject that I enjoy. But if you get too carried away, it easily can become a mess, thus you have to tread carefully. The first two were perfect in regards to this. But now the whole franchise is just messed up and now this this franchise has become the textbook example of what NOT to do with time travel in a movie. Personally I choose to pretend that Terminators 3-5 don't exist and I cross my fingers that they will one day just stop.

5- Jupiter Ascending

Hollywood needs more original sci-fi movies. I'm a big proponent of that. We're so carried away in sequels, remakes, and adaptations that we often don't even give original ideas our time and money. Thus Hollywood doesn't make many of them anymore. This is sad. That's why the story behind Jupiter Ascending is heart-breaking. The Wachowski siblings finally gave us another original, big-budgeted sci-fi movie. If this had succeeded, perhaps more original ideas would've followed. BUT IT WAS A DISASTER!!! The opening sequence is really awkward. The setup is stupid. Then the bulk of the movie is a huge, convoluted mess that is the hardest movie to follow. It was as if this was a fourth or fifth movie in a franchise that I was just jumping right into. There's this universe that's setup and we're just expected to know everything about it with little explanation. Not to mention that we have some characters that are half wolf, half human and other characters that are half bee, half human. We also have the weakest lead female who needs to be rescued over and over and over because she is completely helpless. And yet the movie is named after her. To top that all off, Eddie Redmayne followed up his Oscar-winning performance with the absolute worst performance by an actor all year. It made me want to punch the guy in the face and take his Oscar away.

4- Strange Magic

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Yes, I'm talking about George Lucas. In the same year that Star Wars: The Force Awakens became the highest grossing movie ever in the United States, One of Lucas' own passion projects also debuted in theaters. It was called Strange Magic and it was a mess. In fact it was such a mess that it made almost nothing at the box office in the middle of January, meaning you probably never heard of it. No Lucas didn't direct or produce this movie, but it was his story that he had wanted to have made and it was the story of the movie that made absolutely no sense. His defense was that Star Wars was initially intended as a movie for 12-year-old boys and now he wanted to do this little project as a movie intended for 12-year-old girls. Ha. Ha. Ha. I suppose that those intentions are respectable, but I doubt that any 12-year-old girl would even enjoy this movie. I have a hard time even seeing a 6-year-old girl enjoying this movie. Not only is the whole plot a copy of a copy of a copy, but it is so messy and convoluted that it feels like they tried to stuff a whole trilogy worth of plot into 99 minutes. On top of that, it's one of the worst musicals ever. Every single scene they break out into song at all the wrong moments, most of that being current pop music. And yes, if you didn't know, this is an animated movie. One of the worst animated movies I've seen.

3- The Green Inferno

For some reason I felt the need to experience an Eli Roth movie this year. That was a mistake. Have you ever had the desire to watch a human being slowly have all their limbs and other body parts get chopped off and eaten while they are alive followed by watching their head getting cut off and having their whole body served for dinner to this group of cannibals in the wilderness? I didn't think so. This movie is labeled as a horror movie. I wasn't scared. I was disgusted and disturbed. I don't know why a movie like this is passed off as entertainment. Now you can have a violent movie that's done well. Quentin Tarantino has done eight of those. You can also have a horror movie with cannibalistic themes that is actually terrifying. This is neither of those. It's just watching a group of students getting eaten by scavengers in the wilderness and it's disgusting. I don't know why I even watched the whole movie. I guess I just wanted to see how they escaped, but that just made things worse because of the end of the movie is stupid. What the survivors did and said is not what anyone would do or so if they almost just got served for dinner. They would also be a lot more broken mentally. If you are a "gore-hound" and just need to see a gory, violent movie, then I guess this is your thing. But if you want to actually watch a good horror, this is not the movie to see.

2- Jem and the Holograms

I have an idea. Let's take a popular 80's cartoon, completely throw it in the blender, and release it as a live-action film. It worked for Transformers and G.I. Joe. Why not Jem and the Holograms? Even if I were to ignore the fact that this has absolutely nothing to do with the original cartoon (which I'm not going to do -- that's part of the problem), this is still a really dumb movie. A girl records herself singing a random song in her room, her sister secretly uploads it to YouTube, and when she wakes up the next day it has millions of views and suddenly she is as popular as OneDirection. I'm serious. There are so many things wrong with that premise. The biggest problem being that this is aimed at teenage girls and thus is teaching that practice and hard-work aren't necessary to achieve success. This movie is insulting to everyone who actually has worked hard at achieving success on YouTube or as a musician in general. Not to mention that the ensuing attempt at a musical drama is the most pathetic attempt I have seen. Such terrible writing in this. But yes, let's bring back the fact that this is based on the 80's cartoon. They made a horrible movie that has nothing to do with the cartoon and slapped that title on in order to try to make money. Because of that, they've ruined any and all hope for fans of the cartoon to get a properly done movie because no one is going to want to touch this property. That hurts. The only positive thing with this is that the makers of this movie received justice. The movie only made $2.1 million and was pulled from theaters after just two weeks. They didn't even make back their $5 million budget.

1- Fantastic Four

With Fifty Shades of Grey out of the running for my worst movie, this choice was obvious. The production issues for Fant4stic were very well publicized. This doesn't always kill a movie, but in this instance I was left dumbfounded as I sat through the credits. I have never watched a movie where it was so obvious that everyone involved in a project gave up. I'm serious. They. Gave. Up. The first hour of this movie is all setup. It's long and boring, but I can see where the director was coming from. He wanted a more character-oriented movie. But I was so bored that I looked up how long the movie was just to see how much time I had left because it felt like there was another hour or so at least. There was 20 minutes left. I was shocked. Then I witnessed as the second act of the movie was like 10 minutes long and the finale was also only 10 minutes long. They gave up. After not being able to agree on anything, they just slapped an ending on and threw something in theaters. They were more concerned about retaining their rights to the property than giving us a good film. That's despicable. At least with the other movies on this list, it's obvious that an attempt at making a good movie was made and a final product was put in theaters. But because they didn't try with this one, it earns my award for worst movie of 2015. I really hope the talented young cast can recover from this disaster.

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