The Good:
Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) – February 7
How about that for a movie title? Don’t expect me to type that out to often. For the most part I’ll simply refer to this as “Birds of Prey,” but I wanted to include that subtitle at least once because I find it fantastic. DC right now is on fire with the likes of “Aquaman,” “Shazam!” and “Joker” all in the last 13 months. They appear to have finally figured out that, instead of trying copy Marvel beat for beat (and failing miserably in doing so), that they need to simply focus on making good individual movies. The timeline itself may be a giant mess at the moment, but I couldn’t care less really because we’re getting some fantastic individual movies and as a life-long DC fan, that makes me super happy. And that looks to continue with “Birds of Prey,” headlined by the return of Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn, a character that even the most bitter “Suicide Squad” haters enjoyed. Joining Harley are the film debuts of Huntress and Black Canary as they going against Ewan McGregor’s Black Mask.
The Lodge – February 7
I don’t know a lot about this movie, nor do I want to. I know it stars Riley Keough in some sort of slow-burn, psychological horror film. That’s all I need to know. It also premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 2019 and I’ve been excited for it ever since. Sundance horror films are typically my favorite. NEON purchased the rights to it and have taken their sweet time in getting it out, which has been mildly annoying. But come February 7, it’s finally here… maybe. That February 7 release date is technically a limited release date.
Onward – March 6
It’s Pixar. That’s all I need to say, right? Specifically,
it’s a Pixar original and those are always Pixar’s best films. In regards to
“Onward,” I’m personally convinced that someone at Pixar watched the 2017 movie
“Bright,” that ridiculously awful Netflix film with Will Smith, then said, “We
can do a better version of that!” Because, yeah, it’s the same idea. Fantasy
creatures and characters living a normal, everyday life. And I’m convinced that
this will work. In recent trailers we learned that our two main characters,
voiced by Chris Pratt and Tom Holland, are out to spend one final day with the
dad who has passed away, thus reminding me of the Michael Keaton snow-dad movie
“Jack Frost.” And you know that Pixar is going to take that premise and pull at
your heartstrings in true Pixar fashion.
A Quiet Place: Part II – March 20
While “A Quiet Place” didn’t quite make it into my list of my favorite movies of 2018, it was nevertheless one of my favorite theatrical experiences of that year as no one even dared to move a muscle. Even eating popcorn or walking down the isle was extremely loud. And was highly satisfying that everyone bought into that. The other fun thing about the movie was that all my non-horror friends all saw it, too. Most of whom loved it. So it was rather amusing seeing so many people love a horror film. A lot of people tried to pan it off as it not being a horror film, using that as a justification as to why they liked it. But no, it totally was. Some people just don’t want to admit that they watched and enjoyed a horror film because they enjoy hating on the genre, which I find silly, but whatever. I’m super stoked for a second trip into the world of “A Quiet Place,” especially with John Krasinski back as director while Emily Blunt and kids reprising their roles in the film.
Mulan – March 27
If I hear one more angry comment as to why there’s no Mushu in this “Mulan” remake, that person gets slapped. People complain at Disney for creating carbon copies of their movies with these remakes, then they also get mad when Disney decided to do something different. I mean, what do you want? And do you understand why Disney ignores the stupid people on the internet and instead makes decisions based on their bank account? When it comes to “Mulan,” this is one remake that actually makes a ton of sense. With the original animated “Mulan,” Disney took a Chinese legend and did what they do best. They Disneyfied it. Us Americans loved it, but the Chinese people actually hated that movie. So with this live action remake, they’re actually going back and being true to Chinese mythology, which is very smart when it comes to the movie’s box office potential given how huge the Chinese market is right now. And if they have to anger a few dumb Americans in the process, I think it’ll be totally worth it to them. No tears will be shed. Plus, this direction also creates something new and different than its predecessor, allowing the movie to stand on its own. I love that idea. If you don’t, then let me remind you that the animated “Mulan” still exists. Disney isn’t erasing that movie from existence, so you can still watch it.
No Time to Die – April 10
I feel like just about every other Bond movie, on average, ends up being a dud. And since “Skyfall” was excellent while “Spectre” was a bore, then said law of averages means that “No Time to Die” is going to be great, right? In general, I think Daniel Craig has done an excellent job as Bond, even if the movies he’s been in haven’t always been the best, so if this is his swan song, I’m excited to see it. The director here is Cary Fukunaga, the director of the 2015 Netflix film “Beasts of No Nation,” so I’m curious to see what he brings to Bond. There has been buzz that this movie will set up a female to take over as the new “James Bond.” While I’m generally against the idea of a simply recasting Bond as a female, if they instead take the route of a female taking over the 007 mantle, I think that can work. And if that female is Ana de Armas, I think that’s an excellent choice. Her and Daniel Craig already worked very well together in “Knives Out,” so at the least I’m excited to see them reuinted in this latest Bond film.
Black Widow – May 1
Some things in life are a no-brainer. At this current time, the last 10 years of the Marvel Cinematic Universe has taught me to always be excited for the next Marvel film. If at any point they start becoming a train wreck, then I suppose we can cross that bridge when we get there. But that’s not the situation. Phase IV in the MCU begins with “Black Widow,” a movie that we’ve all been begging for ever since Scar-Jo showed up in this universe. And now we’re finally getting it… (AVENGERS: ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD)… AFTER she dies. Confused? Don’t be. This is set during the time of “Captain America: Civil War.” So then how will this fit into Phase IV? Well, Scar-Jo herself might not be back for any future Avengers movies, but the movie is introducing Florence Pugh and Rachel Weisz as other characters who were trained as a Black Widow and we also have David Harbour as Red Guardian being introduced. I imagine one or more of them will be continuing on in Phase IV.
Scoob! - May 15
There’s a lot of things being rebooted and remade in today’s world. And I could get upset or angry at some of them, but not Scooby-Doo, especially not if it’s animated. When this trailer dropped, I was immediately won over. It looks like they’re capturing the spirit of Scooby-Doo. A Scooby-Doo origin story is not something I thought I ever wanted, but after seeing this trailer, as well as learning that it will transition into the current Scooby gang, I am on board. And apparently Hanna-Barbera is using this as a launching pad for a Hanna-Barbera Cinematic Universe, with films based on “The Jetsons,” “The Flinstones” and “Wacky Races” also being in development. We’ll see how that all turns out. I have no qualms with Warner Animation Group, though, but if they do the original animated properties justice, I’d say that’s a good thing.
Fast & Furious 9 – May 22
It’s the 10th movie in the Fast & Furious franchise, with this obviously being the ninth one in the main saga. The one non-saga spin-off was last year’s “Hobbs and Shaw.” Normally when a movie gets to its 10th film, the quality has gone downhill quite some time prior. But the only people complaining at how stupid it is to have this many Fast & Furious movies are the people who haven’t watched any of them. This franchise kicked it into full gear starting with the fifth movie and haven’t looked back since. At the very least, they’ve been extremely entertaining. Several of them have been quite epic, though. The thing that makes me the most nervous about this current movie is that it will be without Dwayne Johnson, partially because scheduling conflicts with “Hobbs & Shaw,” but also potentially because of the reported disagreements with him and Vin Diesl. I think the two need to work things out so we can get the best quality Fast & Furious movie. Until then, John Cena is stepping into this next movie, which makes perfect sense, all things considered.
Wonder Woman 1984 – June 5
I don’t like ranking movies in this blog post. I prefer listing them in the order they are released, then determine later how they stack together. But obviously this would easily be my most anticipated if I did do it that way. After a frustrating start to the DCEU, they struck gold by giving the world a Wonder Woman movie that had all the elements of a classic DC movie. The DC fan in my was shedding tears of joy during the whole experience. The trick? They put aside their goals of establishing a cinematic universe and just let Patty Jenkins make a good movie. And that made all the difference. Now with the whole timeline for the DCEU in shambles, their only current options is to make good individual movies, which I’m not complaining about. With Wonder Woman, Patty Jenkins has decided to cash in on the 80s nostalgia train, which I think will work beautifully. That trailer was fantastic. And I’m excited to see Kristen Wiig’s Cheetah, Pedro Pascal’s Maxwell Lord and... the return of Chris Pine as Steve Trevor?
Soul – June 19
Again, it’s a Pixar original. Need I say more? In this case, it looks like they’re going for an “Inside Out” sort of feel as our main character gets his soul separated from his body and he gets transported to the “You Seminar,” a center where souls go to develop and gain passions. Yeah, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect on this when the teaser was released, which resulted in this catching me off guard when I saw it. And I’m still not 100 percent sure what exactly this movie is going to be, but it’s Pixar and its unique, so that’s all I really need.
In the Heights – June 26
We’re living in a movie musical renaissance today, which I really enjoy, despite there being some of them that I don’t like. Yes, it’s true, I’m not going to salivate over a musical just because the sang music and danced. I need a bit more. But I’m always willing to give them a chance. And despite this movie not coming out until the middle of the summer, they’ve already been pushing the marketing pretty hard. I don’t know much about the musical itself. But I do know that the music for the original Broadway production was written by Lin-Manuel Miranda while this movie adaptation is being directed by Jon M. Cho, director of “Crazy Rich Asians,” so this seems like a good formula for success.
Free Guy – July 3
I just about died laughing when I saw this trailer and it opened with “From the studio that brought you ‘Aladdin,’ ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and ‘The Lion King’… twice.” That’s such a Ryan Reynolds thing to do, so I’m sure he had a say in that. This is a 20th Century Fox production, so not Disney directly, but they are now of course owned by Disney, hence the joke. Ryan Reynolds is producer and star of this video game esque superhermo movie that reminds me of a hilariously ridiculous combination of “Ready Player One” and “Deadpool.”
Ghostbusters: Afterlife – July 10
“Ghostbusters” is back in business! For real, this time. Although if I’m being honest, I didn’t mind the female-led remake. It wasn’t the best movie in the world, but it was a lot better than the internet gave it credit for as well as being better than I personally was expecting. That said, instead of continuing that “Ghostbusters” universe, they’re going back to the original timeline, but much later on. With the movie being led by McKenna Grace and Finn Wolfhard, the initial trailer gave off a serious vibe of “Ghostbusters” meets “Stranger Things,” which a combination that makes all the sense in the world. I’m personally assuming that the original “Ghostbusters” cast will show up in this movie, but right now they’re making that a secret, only saying that our main characters are grandchildren of one of them and that said Ghostbusters team are more of a myth/legend at this point. The director of this movie is Jason Reitman, and although most of his movies have had zero relation to anything in the ballpark of “Ghostbusters,” he is the son of Ivan Reitman, director of the original two movies.
Tenet – July 17
It’s Christopher Nolan’s latest film. That alone makes this a huge summer event film. Although I still claim Nolan as one of my favorite directors, I’ve had a bit of a rough experience with his last three films, which have caused at uproar among the Nolan faithful. In hoping to counter those negative feelings, I did a ranking of all of Nolan’s movies. I don’t know if that sent enough positive vibes, but I’m crossing my fingers that “Tenet” is a return to form. The recent trailer made it look like a combination of “Source Code” and “Inception,” and I have no idea what’s going on, which for a Nolan film is how it should be.
The King’s Man – September 18
I’m angry at this movie for disappearing until September. It was supposed to come out in February, yet it wasn’t until I went to do this post that I learned that it had been postponed. Now I think I would be more excited if this was a “Kingsman 3” proper rather than a prequel movie that has none of the original cast. But Matthew Vaughn is still the director and as long as he implements a similar style, then I should be sufficiently entertained.
Last Night in Soho – September 25
Some movies in this list are simple as to why they are here. I looked at a movie called “Last Night in Soho,” had no idea what it was, so I looked it up and saw it was the next movie from director Edgar Wright. Yup. That’s all I need. Edgar Wright directed the Cornetto Trilogy (“Shaun of the Dead,” “Hot Fuzz,” “The World’s End”), “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World,” and “Baby Driver.” Need I say more? But sure, I will. This is a psychological horror film about a young girl who is mysteriously able to enter the 1960s, encounters her idol her idol, who is a dazzling, wannabe singer. And then things start to go south. It's a strange enough premise that also stars Thomas McKenzie, Anya Taylor-Joy and Matt Smith, among others.
The Trial of the Chicago 7 – September 25
The end of the year will bring a lot of awards hopefuls to the scene. Many of those end up being really good, yet I won’t know what those are until right before they get to theaters or until the festival circuits. So I’m not sure if this is really one of them. But it is a movie that is written and directed by Aaron Sorkin, who has three Academy Award nominations for “The Social Network,” “Moneyball” and “Molly’s Game,” all of said nominations coming in the writing department. “Molly’s Game” was his directorial debut, but generally speaking anything with Aaron Sorkin attached is really sharp. This movie is about the Chicago Seven, a group of seven defendants who were charged with conspiracy, inciting to riot, and other charges related to anti-Vietnam War and other countercultural protests that took place in Chicago during the 1968 Democratic National Convention. The movie also has a really large cast that would nearly double the length of this paragraph, so I will let you look that up yourself.
Venom 2 – October 2
I thought “Venom” was a solid start to Sony’s parallel Spider-Man-less Cinematic Universe. Even though the plot of the movie itself left a bit to be desired, the character of Venom, as well as Tom Hardy’s portrayal of Eddie Brock, was quite excellent and left me wanting more. Then the end credits teased Woody Harrelson as Carnage, who is one of the coolest and most sinister villains. Most fans will be demanding an R-rating in order to properly do Carnage. I don’t require a specific rating. I just require a good movie. I just want them to do justice to Venom and Carnage in this movie and I think Andy Serkis is up to the task.
Death on the Nile – October 9
I’m a sucker for a good murder mystery and “Murder on the Orient Express” in 2017 was exactly. It was a fun, old-fashioned murder mystery with an excellent cast that I hear did justice to its source material, the 1934 novel of the same name by Agatha Christie, although I haven’t read the novel myself. The end of the movie teased a sequel, which intrigued me, but I forgot about that as I wasn’t sure if they had officially began production on that. It certainly made enough money for a sequel as it grossed $102.8 million domestically and $352.8 million worldwide on a $55 million production budget. Well, as you guessed, this is that sequel. And I didn’t realize that until I clicked on this movie, wondering to myself, “What in the heck is ‘Death on the Nile’?” Kenneth Branagh is back as director and star, this time bringing on Gal Gadot, Armie Hammer, Annette Bening, Russell Brand and Letitia Wright as his costars.
Halloween Kills – October 16
I hope you know by this point in time that “Halloween” movies with Michael Myers will never end. The timeline is super fancy and confusing at this point with the various reboots they’ve done. And I certainly hope you knew that 2018’s “Halloween,” a direct sequel to the original film, wasn’t the end of Michael Myers. Even before they officially announced this sequel, which was announced at the same time as 2021’s “Halloween Ends,” I knew that this was coming given that 2018’s “Halloween” made $255.5 million worldwide on a $10 million budget. I mean, that practically guarantees like 25 more of these movies at least. And it’s usually when the sequels come that things get a bit sketchy, but for the moment I can get myself excited for this movie since David Gordon Green returns as director along with Jamie Lee Curtis and most of the rest of the surviving cast of the 2018 movie.
Those Who Wish Me Dead – October 23
Again, some of these make me excited simply by looking at the director. I mean, the premise is about a teenage boy being pursued by twin assassins after witnessing a murder in the Montana wilderness. He has a survival expert helping protect him as well as a forest first threatening to consume all of them. That alone sounds like something right up my wheelhouse. And Angelina Jolie, Jon Bernthal and Nicholas Hoult leading the way is intriguing. But this comes from director Taylor Sheridan, director and writer of "Wind River," as well as the writer of "Sicario" and "Hell or High Water." That's what seals the deal here.
Eternals – November 6
I know very little about "Eternals." And I'm willing to be that I'm not alone in this, which means Marvel is going to have to do a good job in advertising this thing after "Black Widow" comes out. I am intrigued by the idea of Kumail Nanjiani, Richard Madden, Angelina Jolie, Kit Harrington, Salma Hayek and Brian Tyree Henry all now being a part of the MCU. And I also really like it when Marvel reaches outside the box and does something different. That's how we get things like "Guardians of the Galaxy." Like many people on the planet, I've been on board with Marvel for this whole ride and I see know reason why I should be getting off.
Godzilla v. Kong – November 20
I'm also mad that this is in November and not March. I mean, sure. Spend some extra time getting this one right since this entire Monsterverse here relies on this movie's success. "Godzilla: King of the Monsters" was one of the bigger disappointments in terms of box office performance in 2019, despite it giving Godzilla fans everything you want in a Godzilla movie. That means if "Godzilla vs. Kong" also fails, we all lose.
Raya and the Last Dragon – November 25
After going the sequel route for the last couple of years with "Ralph Breaks the Internet" and "Frozen 2," Walt Disney Animation Studios are going back to doing an original animated film. And for some reason this feels like a bit of a risk to me because it's also not a bombastic musical like "Moana" or "Frozen." But I'm personally down for any animated movie about a dragon, especially with a title that sounds as cool as that. The concept art they released for this at D23 also had my attention, so I'm hoping that this will be fun.
Dune – December 18
Rumor has it there is a movie from 1984 called "Dune," based on a book from 1965. I'm not going to pretend to know a whole lot about that. All that I know is that the genre here is science fiction. And we're redoing it in December. The reason why I'm excited for this is not due to me having any sort of emotional connect to the novel or the 1984 movie. It's because this is Denis Villeneuve directing this. And if this one guarantee in today's modern film industry, it's that Denis Villeneuve is going to make a great movie. With no sort of Star Wars movie this December, this will be the big sci-fi film we all see around Christmas.
West Side Story – December 18
This is the moment of this post where I'm going to pretend to be extremely knowledgeable about this thing called "West Side Story" so I don't look foolish around all my friends. So sure, let's call this a favorite musical of mine and say that I also love all the music. And as a major fan of this, who should I be feeling about a remake of "West Side Story"? Well, for one, stage musicals are redone thousands of times on various levels. As long as the production as a lot of heart and energy put into it, people tend to enjoy them. So why can't we be excited about another movie musical being remade? As long as it has a great director and talented cast, it can work, right? And in this case, we have a little known director name Steven Spielberg directing. And he's also brought his entourage with him.
The Croods 2 – December 23
Out of all the animated movies for DreamWorks Animation to do a belated sequel to, why are they choosing "The Croods"? Well, the answer is that they must've got word that "The Croods" is one of my favorite movies of theirs and that I would love to see a sequel. I'm not sure if the rest of the world is on board with this, but I'm grateful that they honored this personal request of mine. Truth be told, financially this did pretty well and this sequel would've come out a lot earlier, but DreamWorks went through a bit of a crisis around the time that this was released in 2013 after 2012's "Rise of the Guardians" nearly killed the company. So they ended up putting a lot of things on the shelf. That's also why we haven't had "Madagascar 4" or "Puss in Boots 2." They put all three of these things on a shelf. But now they've finally dusted off "The Croods 2," which means I finally get the sequel I've been wanting, even if it's five years too late.
The Grudge – January 3
I'm cheating on this one. By the time you will be reading through this post, this movie will already be out. And at the moment of me typing this up, the movie has a miserable 15 percent score on Rotten Tomatoes to go along with a 20 percent audience score. Are you surprised? Did the world really need a new entry in "The Grudge" franchise? January is an awful time for horror as so many bad horror movies get dumped in January each year with the hope of earning a quick buck or two. And this isn't the only one that's showing up here. Rest assured that even if I hadn't already known the reviews, I would've included this.
Dolittle – January 17
In watching the advertising for this movie, I have no idea what this is. And I'm not sure Universal does, either. They tried to make this look like a major awards contender when they released the initial trailer and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because a Dr. Dolittle movie shouldn't be this epicly dramatic thing. But then they backtracked in the later trailers, showing a whole bunch of comedy mixed in with their continued attempts of being dramatic. And then in the most recent theatrical cut of the final trailer a dragon shows up at the end? Say what? The funny part of Dr. Dolittle is that it's a silly family comedy grounded in reality that has Dr. Dolittle all sorts of confused when the animals start talking to him. Having a dragon show up screws up that whole thing. So again, what the frack is this movie? I like the Eddie Murphy movies. And yes, plural. The sequel with the bear is really dumb, but it's adorably dumb, which is what this is supposed to be. If we're going to reboot Dr. Dolittle, own what you are and know your audience. Finally, the gimmick of casting all of Hollywood as the various animals just so that they can put their names in the trailer is rather shameful.
Bad Boys for Life – January 17
Why are there human beings on the planet that are excited for this? Yes, I know the two Bad Boys movies have a strong following, despite being trashed by critics. And said fans will probably show up for this one. But when will studios in Hollywood learn that bringing back old franchises that died years ago isn't a good idea? Because they keep trying and it keeps failing. So please, remind me what the definition of insanity is? Maybe after this movie gets panned by critics and fails at the box office, Will Smith can go back to making good decisions with his life.
The Turning – January 24
Remember what I said about January horror? This is the second of three of them here on this list. This one features a creepy house, gross imagery, loud noises, attempted jump scares that you can see from a mile away. A "modern take" on an old story, this time being Henry James' 1898 novella "The Turn of the Screw." This is just a waste of a perfectly good cast, led by Mackenzie Davis, Finn Folfhard and Brooklyn Prince. And I straight up laughed when the walking hand showed up in the trailer and was supposed to be creepy. I mean, are we trying to turn "The Addams Family" into an actual horror film?
Gretel & Hansel – January 31
January horror film No. 3. This time they take Hansel & Gretel and... switched the title around. They're advertising this as a dark and twisted version of the story, which is funny because they make it sounds like that's this crazy idea. Do they not realize that this is exactly how this story started? Or are they just trying to trick their audience into thinking this is something special? No, they're just taking a fairy tale and turning into a throwaway horror film. Granted, telling a version of Hansel & Gretel that's closer to the source material isn't a bad idea. But it'd have to be done by a director who is worth something and not released in January in order to convince me that it could actually be good.
The Photograph – February 14
I saw this trailer for the first time when I saw "Little Women" in theaters. And I thought it was going to be another one of those throwaway thrillers where the romantic guy ended up being this crazy psychopath. But nope. The trailer stayed as a romance film the entire time. And it looked like a really, cheesy, dumb romance film with zero personality and zero originality. I guess teenage girls need their romance fix come Valentine's Day. And this is from the same director as "Everything, Everything," so yeah.
Brahms: The Boy II – February 21
When I saw "The Boy" in theaters... FOUR YEARS AGO... I went in having no idea what the critics thought of it and I walked out enjoying it. It was a fun, little thriller. But part of the fun of the movie was the twist at the end, which makes it so there's nowhere to really take a sequel. Plus, the movie wasn't that successful and, for the most part, no one but me really liked it. So why make a sequel this long after the original? This is something that should've come out in 2017 or 2018 at the latest. This is way too late. Even fewer people are going to care. And it's bounced around on the schedule like a ping pong ball. And I'm not even confident that this is the movie's final destination on the calendar since the movie is seven weeks away and doesn't yet have a trailer. I know STX is going through a lot of financial difficulties, but they need to do some sort of advertising for their movies if they want to make money.
My Spy – March 13
Maybe I'm being a bit harsh here, but I feel Dave Bautista is trying a little too hard to be a funny comedian. His shtick as Drax in "Guardians of the Galaxy" worked really well, but it hasn't really translated too well into other movies. He tried last year with "Stuber" and no one cared about that movie as it was a huge dud at the box office. And now this movie is coming out and I have a sneaking suspicious that it might suffer a similar fate.
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway – April 3
The most frustrating thing about "Peter Rabbit" being a massive success... is this. The sequel. Because sometimes studios decide that empty, dumb slapstick for a whole movie is enough to create a quality kids movie. And then the parents get tricked into taking their kids to the movie, the kids all laugh at people getting hit in the face for two hours, then the movie makes money because of it, which encourages the studios to not try and create sequels to the dumb things. I think good parents will stay home and have their kids watch quality movies on Disney+ instead. But what do I know about parenting.
The New Mutants – April 3
They have postponed this movie so many times that I won't be convinced it's coming out until I am sitting in a theater watching it. And because we've been strung along so many times only to have the movie postponed again, this section is exactly where this belongs. In fact, I think this is the third year I've had "The New Mutants" on my yearly preview list, which is ridiculous. They just need to do something with this movie. Now director Josh Boone announced on Instagram that a trailer is coming on January 6 and that the movie is indeed being released on April 3. And not just that, but he also said that it's his original version that's being released. Does that mean all these postponements were pointless because the reported massive reshoots never happened? I'm so confused at this point.
Untitled Saw Film – May 15
I'm hearing that this might be called "The Organ Donor," but since that may or may not be a working title, I'm not going to commit to referring to it as that. But whatever this is called, Chris Rock came up with the story here while him and Samuel L. Jackson will be starring in the film. Not that I've really followed the timeline here, but apparently this also takes place in the main timeline and isn't a sequel to "Jigsaw," which recently rebooted the franchise. But whatever the heck is going on here, this is the ninth film in a horror franchise that wasn't even that interesting to begin with. This is what we call torture porn or splatter films. Horror films that are centered around graphic violence as a means of terror. That specific subgenre of horror has never intrigued me, so I'm not going to really care about this ninth film.
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run – May 22
I've never been a fan of SpongeBob. Perhaps I can understand kids liking it, but I know a lot of my adult friends who love SpongeBob who didn't necessarily grow up on it. It confuses me. So of course I am going to be a Grinch and throw this latest movie in here. But the bigger question with this specific movie is why is it necessarily to change the animation style here? SpongeBob has now been around for over 20 years, so what's the point?
Artemis Fowl – May 29
I know this series has many fans. I have a lot of friends who love these books and are at least cautiously optimistic about the movie. But I'll say here what I said last year when I talked about this movie. I think this movie is 10 years too late. And I'm not seeing a lot of confidence on the side of Disney. They had it dumped in August last year, but then pushed it back when they revamped their schedule following the official purchase of Fox. And now I suppose it's in a more prime summer release date, but they haven't started to re-advertise it yet, which is a problem since it's currently sandwiched between "Fast & Furious 9" and "Wonder Woman 1984" on the calendar. I realize that. I know there's not necessarily strong crossover audience between those three films, but we also have "Scoob!" and "SpongeBob" in May, as well as Pixar's "Soul" right around the corner in June. With all that competition, who all is going to decide to go see "Artemis Fowl" outside the core fan base?
Minions: The Rise of Gru – July 3
I'm not quite sure what to do with this thing. The minions worked well in small doses in the three "Despicable Me" movies. And 90 minutes of minion gags entertained me decently enough the first time around. But I'm not so sure they can get me again. Yet I'm not as angrily repulsed by a Minions sequel as most people on the planet might be. If you're curious as to why this is happening, "Minions" made $1.16 billion worldwide back in 2015, which is currently the fourth highest grossing animated movie, behind only "Frozen," "Incredibles 2" and "Frozen 2." I'm frankly surprised we didn't get this sequel sooner.
The Purge 5 – July 10
It's a Purge movie. They're going to come up with some sort of clever title that somehow relates into a political issue of sorts. It's going to make around $70 million domestically as the fan base here is impressively consistently. Yet I'm not going to care. Thus maybe it's unfair of movie to put this on here since I've never watched any movie in this franchise, but this is big enough that I felt like letting you know that another one is coming out.
Bob’s Burgers: The Movie – July 17
Well, this is technically a Disney animated release now, which is a bit weird to say. Certainly not Disney's animation studio, though. But either way, I've never been into any of these adult-targeted animated shows. I find most of them dumb. And I didn't realize that "Bob's Burgers" was big enough to warrant a movie. It's not like "The Simpsons Movie." That one made since and did quite well. But this one? I don't think so.
The Empty Man – August 7
An August horror/thriller from a nobody director and a nobody. August has the same problem as January. Studios just dump their trash there since it's a bit of an awkward time of the year. And I don't imagine this will make more than just $5 at the box office, so I'm not sure why I decided to bring up. But I did, so deal with it.
Escape Room 2 – August 14
You'll probably never hear about "Empty Man" beyond this post, but "Escape Room 2" you'll certainly here more about. As is typical with some horror franchises, this is an awfully fast turnover following the success of the first "Escape Room" in January 2019. And since Escape Rooms are pretty popular these days, it's smart to take advantage of the trend to do a horror franchise. But no one who saw "Escape Room" last year seemed to care about it, so it's a bit of a missed opportunity. And horror sequels pumped out this fast following an original that wasn't well liked is almost a guarantee for a poor quality film. But the studio here doesn't care since this probably only costing them a few pennies to make.
Bill & Ted Face the Music – August 21
Humor me here for one second, since I know many of you will be upset at me putting this here. Pretend here that I'm a fan of Bill & Ted. Belated comedy sequels rarely work out and I'm specifically looking at the likes of "Zoolander" and "Dumb and Dumber." Both beloved comedy classics. Both took forever to get a sequel out. Both got fans really excited when it was announced the original cast and crew were finally returning a sequel. But then both sequels ended up getting destroyed by critics and audiences alike. Belated comedy sequels don't work. And the two examples I brought up aren't the only examples, just the two biggest ones that come to mind. So again, if I was a fan, I would look at history here with belated comedy sequels and I would be nervous. But time to get real. I think "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" is an unwatchable, insufferable pile of horse manure that drives me up the wall. I've never understood the appeal, so why should I care one iota about a third movie, especially when I've never even heard anything good said about the second movie?
The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard – August 28
“The Hitman’s Bodyguard” was a late August surprise back in 2017 that made $76 million domestically and $177 million worldwide. And I think the only reason why it did so was because it hit gold in terms of being released at a point in time where there was nothing else in theaters. The reaction from critics was that it was a throwaway action film that was only somewhat tolerable because of Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson. So forgive me if this is a franchise that I’m not in a huge rush to catch up on.
Monster Hunter – September 4
Here’s a great example of the power of a director, for better or for worse. I didn’t know what “Monster Hunter” was, but I saw the director and became excited because my brain registered the name as Paul Thomas Anderson, director of movies such as “Phantom Thread,” “Inherent Vice” and “There Will Be Blood.” However, after more careful inspection, I realized that the director was actually Paul W.S. Anderson, director of “Pompeii,” 2011’s “Three Musketeers,” the Resident Evil movie franchise, “Alien vs. Predator” and 1995’s “Mortal Kombat.” Most of his movies are pure trash. At best, people claim them as guilty pleasures. But I don’t think anyone will claim that he’s made genuine, quality movies. Also, “Monster Hunter” is a video game franchise, so anyone who is a fan of that better make sure they like those aforementioned Resident Evil movies because that’s the treatment “Monster Hunter” is getting.
Fatale – October 9
October is horror movie time and thus I’m always down for a good horror or thriller. But this October looks to have a few really good options, so I hope people aren’t tricked into seeing this thriller. This comes from director Deon Taylor, who is responsible for “Black and Blue,” “The Intruder,” “Traffik” and “Meet the Blacks.” Every once in a while a thriller like this comes around in the fall, usually from Screen Gems, that somehow tricks people into seeing it opening weekend. Good examples are “The Intruder,” “The Perfect Guy,” “When the Bough Breaks” or “No Good Deed.” This is one of those and deserves being skipped.
Clifford the Big Red Dog – November 13
I’m not inherently against anything related to “Clifford the Big Red Dog.” The books have been around since the 60’s and the TV show on PBS Kids in the early 2000’s was solid. But if you tell me that they’re planning a live-action movie, my reaction is going to be… WHY? I mean, if it turns out to be a solid kid’s movie, then great. But I’m going to need to see what’s going on here before I can consider being convinced that this was a good idea.
Uncharted – December 18
When will Hollywood learn that adapting video games into movies doesn’t work? I’m not a gamer, so my video game knowledge is limited, but the internet tells me that there are four main games for the Playstation, with a small handful of spin-offs in addition. The internet also tells me they are a series of adventure, third-person shooter games following a treasure hunter who journeys across the world uncovering history mysteries in an Indiana Jones style thing. So this idea could work, but it won’t because it’s a video game adaptation. And it might not come out this year, anyways. It’s been in production since 2008 with a lot of different directors attached. The most recent director was Travis Knight, director of “Bumblebee,” but he just dropped out within this past week. Tom Holland is set to star alongside Mark Wahlberg… if they can even get this off the ground.
Tom and Jerry – December 23
Jeff Goldblum’s quote in Jurassic Park rings true with this movie, and many others here. Said he, “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” But take out scientists and replace it with filmmakers. Yeah, sure, we now have the ability to do a live-action Tom and Jerry movie. Doesn’t mean it should happen. Tom and Jerry is a fantastic cartoon, but it works best in the format of an old-fashioned, animated, episodic cartoon, not a modern, live-action, feature-length movie. And yes, they have made this into a movie before. That would be 1992’s “Tom and Jerry: The Movie.” And that’s more reason why this shouldn’t happen because that movie is complete trash.
The Gentlemen – January 24
I’ve been really harsh on the new January movies this month as most of them look really bad. The only ones that I’m truly excited for are the ones like “1917” and “Just Mercy” that were actually December releases that are expanding in January. But yeah, of the new releases, “The Gentlemen” looks to be the one potential highlight. It’s a Guy Ritchie movie wherein it looks like Ritchie is going back to his personal style instead of taking on a bigger franchise film. It looks fun and exciting and it also has a large cast that includes Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam, Henry Golding, Michelle Dockery, Jeremy Strong, Eddie Marsden, Colin Farrrell and Hugh Grant. I’m just slightly nervous about the January release date because that doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence from STX. Plus, the Super Bowl is right around the corner in this movie’s second weekend, meaning it has a week in theaters before it gets pummeled.
Sonic the Hedgehog – February 14
If I’m being completely transparent, I didn’t like the idea of a live-action Sonic movie. I also didn’t like the idea of Sonic coming to the human world for the movie. I think if we were to do a Sonic movie, it should be a CGI animated film in Sonic’s own world, made by an animation studio such as Warner Animation Group, Blue Sky, or even Illumination given that one of the bigger studios like Disney, Pixar or DreamWorks wouldn’t be interested. When the first trailer was released, the specific design of Sonic wasn’t my biggest complaint. That being said, I have mad respect for the team here who listened to fans’ complaints and decided to go back and fix things. That never happens. Because of that, I’ve definitely going to see this to give them my money. However, I still don’t think the idea behind this movie is a great one.
Fantasy Island – February 14
The concept behind “Fantasy Island” is an interesting one, but that might be because it’s based on a 1977 TV series of the same name that ran for seven years and had 152 episodes and two TV movies. The basic concept is that people would go to a mysterious island where their fantasies would be granted, but generally speaking the fantasy would turn out horribly wrong. This could make for an excellent supernatural horror film if they stay true to the original series. Or they could be turning a popular series into a jump-scare filled horror film. Based on the trailers, I’m not exactly sure which this will be and February horror films aren’t typically as disastrous films, so this could work. But if it doesn't, I won’t be one bit surprised.
The Call of the Wild – February 21
I haven’t read a whole lot of books in my life, but I’m pretty sure I actually have read Jack London’s 1903 novel “The Call of the Wild” at some point in my life. I’m just not exactly sure when. It may have been in grade school at some point. But the book title is certainly quite familiar. We’ve had a lot of dog movies recently, yet Harrison Ford hanging out with his dog out in the wild looks like it could be a decent, heartwarming family film made by Fox and distributed by Disney. It just doesn’t jump out at me as an absolute must-see. So I don’t know if it will be super high on my priority list, but I still might decide to give it a chance.
The Invisible Man – February 28
I was ready for Universal’s Dark Universe. They were planning a whole ton of modern adaptations of the classic monster movies. With the right directors and writers on board, those could be a lot of fun. But with the initial attempt, 2017’s remake of “The Mummy,” starring Tom Cruise and Sofia Boutella, they spent way too much time setting up a cinematic universe and forgot to make one good stand-alone movie, thus the movie fell flat on its face and the idea of a new Dark Universe seemed dead in the water. Until Jason Blum stepped in and expressed a desire to do “The Invisible Man.” So I don’t know what other movies in this Dark Universe are actually coming, but I think “The Invisible Man” could work out really well, especially as directed by Leigh Whannell, director of 2018’s “Upgrade.” The trailers don’t make me jump out of my seat in excitement, but I’m still holding out hope.
Bloodshot – March 13
This is not a Marvel or DC comic book property, but it is a superhero film released by Sony. Or, well, comic book film at least. Bloodshot comes from Valiant Comics. In reading about him, he seems like a combination of a lot of different characters. He’s essentially a genetically enhanced super solider. He has a billion nanobots in his bloodstream that give him powers of regeneration, allow him to interface with technology and shaft shift his mass. He’s also had his memory wiped on many occasions and afterwards gets sent out as an assassin to kill people. Generally speaking his main objective is to figure out who he is and get revenge on the people who did this to him. So I see elements of Captain America, The Winter Soldier, Wolverine, the Punisher and even Jason Bourne. In this movie version, him and his wife get shot and killed, which is when the organization turn him into this thing. Vin Diesel will be playing him. Given this is Sony and is directed by a first-time director, as well as being derivative of a long of things, this could be a disaster. Or it could be a sleeper hit.
I Still Believe – March 13
The last time we had a Christian movie based on the story behind a popular Christian song, it was called “I Can Only Imagine” and it was quite excellent. Now the Erwin Brothers, the directors of “I Can Only Imagine,” are out to see if they can catch lightning in a bottle twice. The song “I Still Believe” is sung by Christian singer Jeremy Camp and was written after the death of his first wife Melissa, whom he married despite knowing that she was dying of ovarian cancer. I hope I didn’t just spoil the whole movie, but that’s the history behind the song. Given all of that, it does have the ingredients of another good Christian movie, but these Christian movies also have a habit of being slightly generic, so I’m not 100 percent on board.
The Lovebirds – April 3
From director Michael Showalter, director of “The Big Sick,” and also starring Kumail Nanjiani, who portrayed himself in “The Big Sick,” which is the story about how he met his wife, comes “The Lovebirds,” a movie wherein the premise is described as a couple on the brink of breaking up who get caught up in a bizarre and hilarious murder mystery. I like murder mysteries and I like this team-up of Showalter and Nanjiani, so this sounds like a blast, but it’s getting released in April, so I don’t know what’s up with that.
Trolls World Tour – April 17
I never actually reviewed the movie “Trolls.” For some reason I never got around to seeing it in theaters. When I eventually saw it, I thought it was one of the more stupid and juvenile things DreamWorks has done. Sorry. But despite me having no attachment to “Trolls,” this trailer for “Trolls World Tour” had me rolling on the floor laughing. There are seven strings of music and trolls who represent each genre: pop, funk, classical, techno, country, rock and hip-hop. Yet the hard rock troll is out to destroy all other kinds of music to allow rock to rein supreme. If I didn’t do it justice there, just watch the trailers. It looks like one of the dumbest things ever, but in an extremely self-aware sort of way. I really kinda want it right now, but at the same time I’m nervous as to whether or not the movie can be as stupidly awesome as the trailers.
Legally Blonde 3 – May 8
I figured that I’d due my due diligence by informing the world that a “Legally Blonde 3” will be released a weekend after “Black Widow.” It’s been 17 years since “Legally Blonde 2” came out, which in turn was two years after the 2001 release of “Legally Blonde.” I’m not sure this is a third movie that the world was asking for, and the large space between the second and third movie is a bit curious, but as I’ve not seen any of the “Legally Blonde” movies, I’ll let you decide if this is a good thing or not. In the meantime, I guess I have four months to get caught up.
The Woman in the Window – May 15
This right here is a modern-day “Rear Window,” combined with elements of “The Girl on the Train.” A woman who is housebound thinks she witnesses a murder across the way, but she is too drugged up on medications to be trusted by anyone. This is based on a 2018 novel of the same name by A.J. Finn, a pseudonym for Daniel Mallory. The novel has generally positive reviews and the movie was one I was really excited for heading into the latter half of 2019, so long as it was a tribute to classic Hitchcock rather than a generic rip-off. The movie is directed by Joe Wright and stars Amy Adams, Gary Oldman, Anthony Mackie, Brian Tyree Henry, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Julianne Moore. But then when Disney took over for Fox, they threw this movie into the first half of 2020 instead of keeping it in prime awards season territory after the final act of the movie was apparently poorly received in test screenings.
Candyman – June 12
“Candyman,” is a direct sequel to the 1992 version of “Candyman,” as it ignores the two sequels that came after. Thus it is taking a direct page from 2018’s “Halloween,” which ignored all “Halloween” sequels in being a direct sequel to the original while also having the same exact name. I don’t like this trend. If it’s a remake, then fine. Whatever. But sequels need to have a different name than their predecessors. Anyways, the original “Candyman” is on Netflix right now, so I’ll watch it some time before this sequel comes out in June. Jordan Peele is attached as a producer and the director is Nia DaCosta, director of the critically-acclaimed 2018 film “Little Woods” that not many human beings saw.
Top Gun: Maverik – June 26
Belated sequels coming out long after their original movies is a theme this year. Of all the previous movies I’ve brought up on this list, this one currently has the record for longest time in between as “Top Gun” came out in 1986. And like with all the sequels before it on this list, I’m not quite sure what to do with this one, although I will say that Tom Cruise doesn’t look like he’s aged a day since the original movie. At the very least, it looks like he’s only 5-10 years older. Someone needs to show me where this fountain of youth is that he found. And I generally like Tom Cruise movies, so maybe this one will work. “Top Gun” was the highest grossing movie of 1986, so I’m not sure why it took 34 years to release a sequel.
Jungle Cruise – July 24
I’m sorry, theme park rides don’t seem like the best source material to make a movie from, even if it is a theme park like Disneyland where there are a lot of story-based rides. Yes, I know, “Pirates of the Caribbean” worked out phenomenally well, but is that because the ride lent itself to a wonderful movie or is it because pirates in general are good characters to have in movies? And is Jungle Cruise the type of ride that works great for a movie? The trailer doesn’t really do much for me. If it ends up working for me, it’ll be because of Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt. If this is a movie where I have to know all the inside jokes in order to have the optimal amount of entertainment, that's not a good thing.
Morbius – July 31
Sony is looking to kick their Spider-Man-less Cinematic Universe into full gear this year with “Morbius” set to premier just a few months before “Venom 2.” I’m not sure Sony really knows what they’re doing. I think they’re just throwing things at a wall to see what sticks. I like the idea of a Morbius movie, but I’m not willing to commit to a solid opinion on this because I don’t know a ton about Morbius. He’s an award-winning biochemist who gained vampire abilities after a failed experiment that was meant to cure a rare blood disorder. That makes for a really interesting Spider-Man villain, which is what he started out as until he got his own series of comics. And while those comics may have been quite popular, does a movie version without Spider-Man work well enough to separate itself from the other vampire movies?
Infinite – August 7
Late summer or early fall is usually a good time for a solid Antoine Fuqua movie. He’s the director responsible for movies such as “The Equalizer,” “Southpaw,” and the 2016 reboot of “The Magnificent Seven.” I’ve not been madly in love with all of his films, but generally speaking I’d say he’s a solid director. The premise of “Infite” involves a man who learns that visions he’s been having are memories of his past lives, which is intriguing enough. And the cast includes Mark Wahlberg, Dylan O’Brien and Chiwetel Ejiofor, but I suppose I just need to see a trailer for this before I decide how excited I am for it.
Malignant – August 14
A horror movie directed by James Wan. That’s enough to make me curious. In the past he’s been responsible for the likes of “The Conjuring,” “Insidious,” “Saw” and several other popular modern horror films. He’s also been responsible for helping write and produce many others. So he has his finger on the pulse of the genre better than most people in the horror industry. I just don’t know a whole ton about this specific project to get super exciting. Speaking of “The Conjuring,” was it worth him skipping out on “The Conjuring 3” in order to do “Malignant”?
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It – September 11
Generally speaking, the Conjuring universe has been an entertaining one, despite several huge duds along the way, like “Annabelle” and “The Nun.” When it comes to the main saga, I think the first two movies are solid horror movies, although I personally have been a bit frustrated with their desire to shove the “based on a true story” angle down our throats, using that as their main way to scare people rather than simply making a good horror movie. I don’t care how true the story is. In fact, I know it’s all a bunch of B.S., which makes their desire to trick me into believing otherwise a bit off-putting. Just make a good horror movie. That’s all I want. And I hope that’s what they plan on with this third movie. Although the fact that it’s directed by Michael Chaves, director of last year’s “The Curse of La Llorona,” instead of James Wan, makes me less excited for this and more excited for the aforementioned “Malignant.”
Without Remorse – September 18
I don’t know a whole ton about the Jack Ryan movies or books, but “Without Remorse” is a 1993 novel by Tom Clancy that tells the story of John Clark, who is one of the recurring characters in the Jack Ryan Ryan universe. John Clark is played by Michael B. Jordan and the basic idea is that he’s out for revenge against the person who murdered his wife, yet he learns that the conspiracy behind everything is a lot larger than expected. Taylor Sheridan wrote the screenplay for this movie. He’s the writer and director I raved about when I talked about “Those Who Wish Me Dead,” which comes out in October. So refer to that above for more on him. Directing this movie is Stefano Sollima, who directed “Sicario: Day of the Soldado,” also written by Sheridan. I haven’t seen “Day of the Soldado,” but Sollima has also done a lot of other gritty crime dramas, so this movie seems like it’s in his wheelhouse.
The Mitchells vs. The Machines – September 18
This is an animated film from Sony Pictures Animation, the studio who is responsible for both “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” AND “The Emoji Movie,” so you never really know what you are getting from them. This movie specifically, while I don’t know a whole lot about it, is produced by Phil Lord and Chris Miller. Usually the things they do work out.
The Witches – October 9
Three months ago, I made a request to my Facebook friends to suggest Halloween movies for me to review. Only one responded and he said "The Witches." So I reviewed "The Witches," a 1990 film based on a book by Roald Dahl. While it was a perfectly enjoyable movie, it was held back by the lack of technology to do Dahl's story justice. And they changed the ended, causing Dahl to hate the movie. That was the last movie adaptations of his that Dahl watched before he passed away, which is kinda sad. But now they have the chance to do Dahl's original book justice with this remake, which I didn't know existed until I had already watched the 1990 movie. Because of this experience, I have visions in my head of what this movie has the potential to be. I just hope me and Robert Zemeckis are on the same wavelength here.
Respect – October 9
A musical biopic based on the life and legacy of the great Aretha Franklin, with Jennifer Hudson playing the legend. I mean, that's quite the perfect pick when you think about. And Aretha Franklin herself agreed as she handpicked Jennifer Hudson to play her in this movie. So that's good, right? Well, I hope so. Thing is, musical biopics can go one of two ways, the "Bohemian Rhapsody" way or the "Rocketman" way. Let's hope it's the latter, but more often than not it ends up being the former. And we have Liesl Tommy directing and this is her first feature length film she's directing. Let's hope she's a revelation.
Snake Eyes – October 16
I'm not sure why the world thinks we need another "G.I. Joe" film. Both "The Rise of Cobra" in 2009 and "Retaliation" in 2013 were bad movies. And seven years after the second dud, we're trying again? OK. Third time's the charm, right? Either that or three strikes and you're out. Both of these are in play here. But at least if we're bringing back this franchise after a seven year absence, we're basing it around the movie's most interesting character. No, they aren't using the same actor from the other films. I was wondering that myself. In looking it up, I learned that Henry Golding of "Crazy Rich Asians" fame is the man of the hour here.
Stillwater – November 6
This is a drama/thriller wherein a father travels from Oklahoma to France to help his daughter who has been arrested for murder. It stars stars Abigail Breslin and Matt Damon and is directed by Tom McCarthy, who's last film was "Spotlight." OK. You have my attention.
Coming 2 America – December 18
You thought we were done with bringing back franchises of the past? This one doesn't quite beat the record of "Top Gun" for longest belated sequel this year that I brought up in this post as "Coming to America" was released in 1988 and was the third highest grossing film from that year. And yeah, they've titled the sequel, "Coming 2 America," which is all fine and dandy when you look at the poster, but when I try to verbally tell people the title of this movie, that still counts as a sequel that has the same title as its predecessor. It's just stylized differently. So stop it! Anyways, I haven't actually seen "Coming to America," so I don't have much to say here, but Eddie Murphy is back and the director is the guy who just recently directed Murphy in "Dolemite is My Name," so make of that what you will.
The Last Duel – December 25
The final movie of this list is so far out that I'm not 100 percent sure it will remain in 2020. There's also the chance that this is a limited release on Christmas that expands in 2021. And I also don't know a whole ton about it outside that it's a movie about King Charles VI and his duel with his squire Jean de Carrouges. It's directed by Ridley Scott, normally a good director who occasionally slips up and does something bad. And it stars Adam Driver, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Now I debated as to whether or not I should include this, but here's the kicker. In addition to starring in the film, Affleck and Damon also co-wrote the screenplay. The last time the two of them did that, it was a little film called "Good Will Hunting."
A Quiet Place: Part II – March 20
While “A Quiet Place” didn’t quite make it into my list of my favorite movies of 2018, it was nevertheless one of my favorite theatrical experiences of that year as no one even dared to move a muscle. Even eating popcorn or walking down the isle was extremely loud. And was highly satisfying that everyone bought into that. The other fun thing about the movie was that all my non-horror friends all saw it, too. Most of whom loved it. So it was rather amusing seeing so many people love a horror film. A lot of people tried to pan it off as it not being a horror film, using that as a justification as to why they liked it. But no, it totally was. Some people just don’t want to admit that they watched and enjoyed a horror film because they enjoy hating on the genre, which I find silly, but whatever. I’m super stoked for a second trip into the world of “A Quiet Place,” especially with John Krasinski back as director while Emily Blunt and kids reprising their roles in the film.
Mulan – March 27
If I hear one more angry comment as to why there’s no Mushu in this “Mulan” remake, that person gets slapped. People complain at Disney for creating carbon copies of their movies with these remakes, then they also get mad when Disney decided to do something different. I mean, what do you want? And do you understand why Disney ignores the stupid people on the internet and instead makes decisions based on their bank account? When it comes to “Mulan,” this is one remake that actually makes a ton of sense. With the original animated “Mulan,” Disney took a Chinese legend and did what they do best. They Disneyfied it. Us Americans loved it, but the Chinese people actually hated that movie. So with this live action remake, they’re actually going back and being true to Chinese mythology, which is very smart when it comes to the movie’s box office potential given how huge the Chinese market is right now. And if they have to anger a few dumb Americans in the process, I think it’ll be totally worth it to them. No tears will be shed. Plus, this direction also creates something new and different than its predecessor, allowing the movie to stand on its own. I love that idea. If you don’t, then let me remind you that the animated “Mulan” still exists. Disney isn’t erasing that movie from existence, so you can still watch it.
No Time to Die – April 10
I feel like just about every other Bond movie, on average, ends up being a dud. And since “Skyfall” was excellent while “Spectre” was a bore, then said law of averages means that “No Time to Die” is going to be great, right? In general, I think Daniel Craig has done an excellent job as Bond, even if the movies he’s been in haven’t always been the best, so if this is his swan song, I’m excited to see it. The director here is Cary Fukunaga, the director of the 2015 Netflix film “Beasts of No Nation,” so I’m curious to see what he brings to Bond. There has been buzz that this movie will set up a female to take over as the new “James Bond.” While I’m generally against the idea of a simply recasting Bond as a female, if they instead take the route of a female taking over the 007 mantle, I think that can work. And if that female is Ana de Armas, I think that’s an excellent choice. Her and Daniel Craig already worked very well together in “Knives Out,” so at the least I’m excited to see them reuinted in this latest Bond film.
Black Widow – May 1
Some things in life are a no-brainer. At this current time, the last 10 years of the Marvel Cinematic Universe has taught me to always be excited for the next Marvel film. If at any point they start becoming a train wreck, then I suppose we can cross that bridge when we get there. But that’s not the situation. Phase IV in the MCU begins with “Black Widow,” a movie that we’ve all been begging for ever since Scar-Jo showed up in this universe. And now we’re finally getting it… (AVENGERS: ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD)… AFTER she dies. Confused? Don’t be. This is set during the time of “Captain America: Civil War.” So then how will this fit into Phase IV? Well, Scar-Jo herself might not be back for any future Avengers movies, but the movie is introducing Florence Pugh and Rachel Weisz as other characters who were trained as a Black Widow and we also have David Harbour as Red Guardian being introduced. I imagine one or more of them will be continuing on in Phase IV.
Scoob! - May 15
There’s a lot of things being rebooted and remade in today’s world. And I could get upset or angry at some of them, but not Scooby-Doo, especially not if it’s animated. When this trailer dropped, I was immediately won over. It looks like they’re capturing the spirit of Scooby-Doo. A Scooby-Doo origin story is not something I thought I ever wanted, but after seeing this trailer, as well as learning that it will transition into the current Scooby gang, I am on board. And apparently Hanna-Barbera is using this as a launching pad for a Hanna-Barbera Cinematic Universe, with films based on “The Jetsons,” “The Flinstones” and “Wacky Races” also being in development. We’ll see how that all turns out. I have no qualms with Warner Animation Group, though, but if they do the original animated properties justice, I’d say that’s a good thing.
Fast & Furious 9 – May 22
It’s the 10th movie in the Fast & Furious franchise, with this obviously being the ninth one in the main saga. The one non-saga spin-off was last year’s “Hobbs and Shaw.” Normally when a movie gets to its 10th film, the quality has gone downhill quite some time prior. But the only people complaining at how stupid it is to have this many Fast & Furious movies are the people who haven’t watched any of them. This franchise kicked it into full gear starting with the fifth movie and haven’t looked back since. At the very least, they’ve been extremely entertaining. Several of them have been quite epic, though. The thing that makes me the most nervous about this current movie is that it will be without Dwayne Johnson, partially because scheduling conflicts with “Hobbs & Shaw,” but also potentially because of the reported disagreements with him and Vin Diesl. I think the two need to work things out so we can get the best quality Fast & Furious movie. Until then, John Cena is stepping into this next movie, which makes perfect sense, all things considered.
Wonder Woman 1984 – June 5
I don’t like ranking movies in this blog post. I prefer listing them in the order they are released, then determine later how they stack together. But obviously this would easily be my most anticipated if I did do it that way. After a frustrating start to the DCEU, they struck gold by giving the world a Wonder Woman movie that had all the elements of a classic DC movie. The DC fan in my was shedding tears of joy during the whole experience. The trick? They put aside their goals of establishing a cinematic universe and just let Patty Jenkins make a good movie. And that made all the difference. Now with the whole timeline for the DCEU in shambles, their only current options is to make good individual movies, which I’m not complaining about. With Wonder Woman, Patty Jenkins has decided to cash in on the 80s nostalgia train, which I think will work beautifully. That trailer was fantastic. And I’m excited to see Kristen Wiig’s Cheetah, Pedro Pascal’s Maxwell Lord and... the return of Chris Pine as Steve Trevor?
Soul – June 19
Again, it’s a Pixar original. Need I say more? In this case, it looks like they’re going for an “Inside Out” sort of feel as our main character gets his soul separated from his body and he gets transported to the “You Seminar,” a center where souls go to develop and gain passions. Yeah, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect on this when the teaser was released, which resulted in this catching me off guard when I saw it. And I’m still not 100 percent sure what exactly this movie is going to be, but it’s Pixar and its unique, so that’s all I really need.
In the Heights – June 26
We’re living in a movie musical renaissance today, which I really enjoy, despite there being some of them that I don’t like. Yes, it’s true, I’m not going to salivate over a musical just because the sang music and danced. I need a bit more. But I’m always willing to give them a chance. And despite this movie not coming out until the middle of the summer, they’ve already been pushing the marketing pretty hard. I don’t know much about the musical itself. But I do know that the music for the original Broadway production was written by Lin-Manuel Miranda while this movie adaptation is being directed by Jon M. Cho, director of “Crazy Rich Asians,” so this seems like a good formula for success.
Free Guy – July 3
I just about died laughing when I saw this trailer and it opened with “From the studio that brought you ‘Aladdin,’ ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and ‘The Lion King’… twice.” That’s such a Ryan Reynolds thing to do, so I’m sure he had a say in that. This is a 20th Century Fox production, so not Disney directly, but they are now of course owned by Disney, hence the joke. Ryan Reynolds is producer and star of this video game esque superhermo movie that reminds me of a hilariously ridiculous combination of “Ready Player One” and “Deadpool.”
Ghostbusters: Afterlife – July 10
“Ghostbusters” is back in business! For real, this time. Although if I’m being honest, I didn’t mind the female-led remake. It wasn’t the best movie in the world, but it was a lot better than the internet gave it credit for as well as being better than I personally was expecting. That said, instead of continuing that “Ghostbusters” universe, they’re going back to the original timeline, but much later on. With the movie being led by McKenna Grace and Finn Wolfhard, the initial trailer gave off a serious vibe of “Ghostbusters” meets “Stranger Things,” which a combination that makes all the sense in the world. I’m personally assuming that the original “Ghostbusters” cast will show up in this movie, but right now they’re making that a secret, only saying that our main characters are grandchildren of one of them and that said Ghostbusters team are more of a myth/legend at this point. The director of this movie is Jason Reitman, and although most of his movies have had zero relation to anything in the ballpark of “Ghostbusters,” he is the son of Ivan Reitman, director of the original two movies.
Tenet – July 17
It’s Christopher Nolan’s latest film. That alone makes this a huge summer event film. Although I still claim Nolan as one of my favorite directors, I’ve had a bit of a rough experience with his last three films, which have caused at uproar among the Nolan faithful. In hoping to counter those negative feelings, I did a ranking of all of Nolan’s movies. I don’t know if that sent enough positive vibes, but I’m crossing my fingers that “Tenet” is a return to form. The recent trailer made it look like a combination of “Source Code” and “Inception,” and I have no idea what’s going on, which for a Nolan film is how it should be.
The King’s Man – September 18
I’m angry at this movie for disappearing until September. It was supposed to come out in February, yet it wasn’t until I went to do this post that I learned that it had been postponed. Now I think I would be more excited if this was a “Kingsman 3” proper rather than a prequel movie that has none of the original cast. But Matthew Vaughn is still the director and as long as he implements a similar style, then I should be sufficiently entertained.
Last Night in Soho – September 25
Some movies in this list are simple as to why they are here. I looked at a movie called “Last Night in Soho,” had no idea what it was, so I looked it up and saw it was the next movie from director Edgar Wright. Yup. That’s all I need. Edgar Wright directed the Cornetto Trilogy (“Shaun of the Dead,” “Hot Fuzz,” “The World’s End”), “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World,” and “Baby Driver.” Need I say more? But sure, I will. This is a psychological horror film about a young girl who is mysteriously able to enter the 1960s, encounters her idol her idol, who is a dazzling, wannabe singer. And then things start to go south. It's a strange enough premise that also stars Thomas McKenzie, Anya Taylor-Joy and Matt Smith, among others.
The Trial of the Chicago 7 – September 25
The end of the year will bring a lot of awards hopefuls to the scene. Many of those end up being really good, yet I won’t know what those are until right before they get to theaters or until the festival circuits. So I’m not sure if this is really one of them. But it is a movie that is written and directed by Aaron Sorkin, who has three Academy Award nominations for “The Social Network,” “Moneyball” and “Molly’s Game,” all of said nominations coming in the writing department. “Molly’s Game” was his directorial debut, but generally speaking anything with Aaron Sorkin attached is really sharp. This movie is about the Chicago Seven, a group of seven defendants who were charged with conspiracy, inciting to riot, and other charges related to anti-Vietnam War and other countercultural protests that took place in Chicago during the 1968 Democratic National Convention. The movie also has a really large cast that would nearly double the length of this paragraph, so I will let you look that up yourself.
Venom 2 – October 2
I thought “Venom” was a solid start to Sony’s parallel Spider-Man-less Cinematic Universe. Even though the plot of the movie itself left a bit to be desired, the character of Venom, as well as Tom Hardy’s portrayal of Eddie Brock, was quite excellent and left me wanting more. Then the end credits teased Woody Harrelson as Carnage, who is one of the coolest and most sinister villains. Most fans will be demanding an R-rating in order to properly do Carnage. I don’t require a specific rating. I just require a good movie. I just want them to do justice to Venom and Carnage in this movie and I think Andy Serkis is up to the task.
Death on the Nile – October 9
I’m a sucker for a good murder mystery and “Murder on the Orient Express” in 2017 was exactly. It was a fun, old-fashioned murder mystery with an excellent cast that I hear did justice to its source material, the 1934 novel of the same name by Agatha Christie, although I haven’t read the novel myself. The end of the movie teased a sequel, which intrigued me, but I forgot about that as I wasn’t sure if they had officially began production on that. It certainly made enough money for a sequel as it grossed $102.8 million domestically and $352.8 million worldwide on a $55 million production budget. Well, as you guessed, this is that sequel. And I didn’t realize that until I clicked on this movie, wondering to myself, “What in the heck is ‘Death on the Nile’?” Kenneth Branagh is back as director and star, this time bringing on Gal Gadot, Armie Hammer, Annette Bening, Russell Brand and Letitia Wright as his costars.
Halloween Kills – October 16
I hope you know by this point in time that “Halloween” movies with Michael Myers will never end. The timeline is super fancy and confusing at this point with the various reboots they’ve done. And I certainly hope you knew that 2018’s “Halloween,” a direct sequel to the original film, wasn’t the end of Michael Myers. Even before they officially announced this sequel, which was announced at the same time as 2021’s “Halloween Ends,” I knew that this was coming given that 2018’s “Halloween” made $255.5 million worldwide on a $10 million budget. I mean, that practically guarantees like 25 more of these movies at least. And it’s usually when the sequels come that things get a bit sketchy, but for the moment I can get myself excited for this movie since David Gordon Green returns as director along with Jamie Lee Curtis and most of the rest of the surviving cast of the 2018 movie.
Those Who Wish Me Dead – October 23
Again, some of these make me excited simply by looking at the director. I mean, the premise is about a teenage boy being pursued by twin assassins after witnessing a murder in the Montana wilderness. He has a survival expert helping protect him as well as a forest first threatening to consume all of them. That alone sounds like something right up my wheelhouse. And Angelina Jolie, Jon Bernthal and Nicholas Hoult leading the way is intriguing. But this comes from director Taylor Sheridan, director and writer of "Wind River," as well as the writer of "Sicario" and "Hell or High Water." That's what seals the deal here.
Eternals – November 6
I know very little about "Eternals." And I'm willing to be that I'm not alone in this, which means Marvel is going to have to do a good job in advertising this thing after "Black Widow" comes out. I am intrigued by the idea of Kumail Nanjiani, Richard Madden, Angelina Jolie, Kit Harrington, Salma Hayek and Brian Tyree Henry all now being a part of the MCU. And I also really like it when Marvel reaches outside the box and does something different. That's how we get things like "Guardians of the Galaxy." Like many people on the planet, I've been on board with Marvel for this whole ride and I see know reason why I should be getting off.
Godzilla v. Kong – November 20
I'm also mad that this is in November and not March. I mean, sure. Spend some extra time getting this one right since this entire Monsterverse here relies on this movie's success. "Godzilla: King of the Monsters" was one of the bigger disappointments in terms of box office performance in 2019, despite it giving Godzilla fans everything you want in a Godzilla movie. That means if "Godzilla vs. Kong" also fails, we all lose.
Raya and the Last Dragon – November 25
After going the sequel route for the last couple of years with "Ralph Breaks the Internet" and "Frozen 2," Walt Disney Animation Studios are going back to doing an original animated film. And for some reason this feels like a bit of a risk to me because it's also not a bombastic musical like "Moana" or "Frozen." But I'm personally down for any animated movie about a dragon, especially with a title that sounds as cool as that. The concept art they released for this at D23 also had my attention, so I'm hoping that this will be fun.
Dune – December 18
Rumor has it there is a movie from 1984 called "Dune," based on a book from 1965. I'm not going to pretend to know a whole lot about that. All that I know is that the genre here is science fiction. And we're redoing it in December. The reason why I'm excited for this is not due to me having any sort of emotional connect to the novel or the 1984 movie. It's because this is Denis Villeneuve directing this. And if this one guarantee in today's modern film industry, it's that Denis Villeneuve is going to make a great movie. With no sort of Star Wars movie this December, this will be the big sci-fi film we all see around Christmas.
West Side Story – December 18
This is the moment of this post where I'm going to pretend to be extremely knowledgeable about this thing called "West Side Story" so I don't look foolish around all my friends. So sure, let's call this a favorite musical of mine and say that I also love all the music. And as a major fan of this, who should I be feeling about a remake of "West Side Story"? Well, for one, stage musicals are redone thousands of times on various levels. As long as the production as a lot of heart and energy put into it, people tend to enjoy them. So why can't we be excited about another movie musical being remade? As long as it has a great director and talented cast, it can work, right? And in this case, we have a little known director name Steven Spielberg directing. And he's also brought his entourage with him.
The Croods 2 – December 23
Out of all the animated movies for DreamWorks Animation to do a belated sequel to, why are they choosing "The Croods"? Well, the answer is that they must've got word that "The Croods" is one of my favorite movies of theirs and that I would love to see a sequel. I'm not sure if the rest of the world is on board with this, but I'm grateful that they honored this personal request of mine. Truth be told, financially this did pretty well and this sequel would've come out a lot earlier, but DreamWorks went through a bit of a crisis around the time that this was released in 2013 after 2012's "Rise of the Guardians" nearly killed the company. So they ended up putting a lot of things on the shelf. That's also why we haven't had "Madagascar 4" or "Puss in Boots 2." They put all three of these things on a shelf. But now they've finally dusted off "The Croods 2," which means I finally get the sequel I've been wanting, even if it's five years too late.
The Bad:
The Grudge – January 3
I'm cheating on this one. By the time you will be reading through this post, this movie will already be out. And at the moment of me typing this up, the movie has a miserable 15 percent score on Rotten Tomatoes to go along with a 20 percent audience score. Are you surprised? Did the world really need a new entry in "The Grudge" franchise? January is an awful time for horror as so many bad horror movies get dumped in January each year with the hope of earning a quick buck or two. And this isn't the only one that's showing up here. Rest assured that even if I hadn't already known the reviews, I would've included this.
Dolittle – January 17
In watching the advertising for this movie, I have no idea what this is. And I'm not sure Universal does, either. They tried to make this look like a major awards contender when they released the initial trailer and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because a Dr. Dolittle movie shouldn't be this epicly dramatic thing. But then they backtracked in the later trailers, showing a whole bunch of comedy mixed in with their continued attempts of being dramatic. And then in the most recent theatrical cut of the final trailer a dragon shows up at the end? Say what? The funny part of Dr. Dolittle is that it's a silly family comedy grounded in reality that has Dr. Dolittle all sorts of confused when the animals start talking to him. Having a dragon show up screws up that whole thing. So again, what the frack is this movie? I like the Eddie Murphy movies. And yes, plural. The sequel with the bear is really dumb, but it's adorably dumb, which is what this is supposed to be. If we're going to reboot Dr. Dolittle, own what you are and know your audience. Finally, the gimmick of casting all of Hollywood as the various animals just so that they can put their names in the trailer is rather shameful.
Bad Boys for Life – January 17
Why are there human beings on the planet that are excited for this? Yes, I know the two Bad Boys movies have a strong following, despite being trashed by critics. And said fans will probably show up for this one. But when will studios in Hollywood learn that bringing back old franchises that died years ago isn't a good idea? Because they keep trying and it keeps failing. So please, remind me what the definition of insanity is? Maybe after this movie gets panned by critics and fails at the box office, Will Smith can go back to making good decisions with his life.
The Turning – January 24
Remember what I said about January horror? This is the second of three of them here on this list. This one features a creepy house, gross imagery, loud noises, attempted jump scares that you can see from a mile away. A "modern take" on an old story, this time being Henry James' 1898 novella "The Turn of the Screw." This is just a waste of a perfectly good cast, led by Mackenzie Davis, Finn Folfhard and Brooklyn Prince. And I straight up laughed when the walking hand showed up in the trailer and was supposed to be creepy. I mean, are we trying to turn "The Addams Family" into an actual horror film?
Gretel & Hansel – January 31
January horror film No. 3. This time they take Hansel & Gretel and... switched the title around. They're advertising this as a dark and twisted version of the story, which is funny because they make it sounds like that's this crazy idea. Do they not realize that this is exactly how this story started? Or are they just trying to trick their audience into thinking this is something special? No, they're just taking a fairy tale and turning into a throwaway horror film. Granted, telling a version of Hansel & Gretel that's closer to the source material isn't a bad idea. But it'd have to be done by a director who is worth something and not released in January in order to convince me that it could actually be good.
The Photograph – February 14
I saw this trailer for the first time when I saw "Little Women" in theaters. And I thought it was going to be another one of those throwaway thrillers where the romantic guy ended up being this crazy psychopath. But nope. The trailer stayed as a romance film the entire time. And it looked like a really, cheesy, dumb romance film with zero personality and zero originality. I guess teenage girls need their romance fix come Valentine's Day. And this is from the same director as "Everything, Everything," so yeah.
Brahms: The Boy II – February 21
When I saw "The Boy" in theaters... FOUR YEARS AGO... I went in having no idea what the critics thought of it and I walked out enjoying it. It was a fun, little thriller. But part of the fun of the movie was the twist at the end, which makes it so there's nowhere to really take a sequel. Plus, the movie wasn't that successful and, for the most part, no one but me really liked it. So why make a sequel this long after the original? This is something that should've come out in 2017 or 2018 at the latest. This is way too late. Even fewer people are going to care. And it's bounced around on the schedule like a ping pong ball. And I'm not even confident that this is the movie's final destination on the calendar since the movie is seven weeks away and doesn't yet have a trailer. I know STX is going through a lot of financial difficulties, but they need to do some sort of advertising for their movies if they want to make money.
My Spy – March 13
Maybe I'm being a bit harsh here, but I feel Dave Bautista is trying a little too hard to be a funny comedian. His shtick as Drax in "Guardians of the Galaxy" worked really well, but it hasn't really translated too well into other movies. He tried last year with "Stuber" and no one cared about that movie as it was a huge dud at the box office. And now this movie is coming out and I have a sneaking suspicious that it might suffer a similar fate.
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway – April 3
The most frustrating thing about "Peter Rabbit" being a massive success... is this. The sequel. Because sometimes studios decide that empty, dumb slapstick for a whole movie is enough to create a quality kids movie. And then the parents get tricked into taking their kids to the movie, the kids all laugh at people getting hit in the face for two hours, then the movie makes money because of it, which encourages the studios to not try and create sequels to the dumb things. I think good parents will stay home and have their kids watch quality movies on Disney+ instead. But what do I know about parenting.
The New Mutants – April 3
They have postponed this movie so many times that I won't be convinced it's coming out until I am sitting in a theater watching it. And because we've been strung along so many times only to have the movie postponed again, this section is exactly where this belongs. In fact, I think this is the third year I've had "The New Mutants" on my yearly preview list, which is ridiculous. They just need to do something with this movie. Now director Josh Boone announced on Instagram that a trailer is coming on January 6 and that the movie is indeed being released on April 3. And not just that, but he also said that it's his original version that's being released. Does that mean all these postponements were pointless because the reported massive reshoots never happened? I'm so confused at this point.
Untitled Saw Film – May 15
I'm hearing that this might be called "The Organ Donor," but since that may or may not be a working title, I'm not going to commit to referring to it as that. But whatever this is called, Chris Rock came up with the story here while him and Samuel L. Jackson will be starring in the film. Not that I've really followed the timeline here, but apparently this also takes place in the main timeline and isn't a sequel to "Jigsaw," which recently rebooted the franchise. But whatever the heck is going on here, this is the ninth film in a horror franchise that wasn't even that interesting to begin with. This is what we call torture porn or splatter films. Horror films that are centered around graphic violence as a means of terror. That specific subgenre of horror has never intrigued me, so I'm not going to really care about this ninth film.
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run – May 22
I've never been a fan of SpongeBob. Perhaps I can understand kids liking it, but I know a lot of my adult friends who love SpongeBob who didn't necessarily grow up on it. It confuses me. So of course I am going to be a Grinch and throw this latest movie in here. But the bigger question with this specific movie is why is it necessarily to change the animation style here? SpongeBob has now been around for over 20 years, so what's the point?
Artemis Fowl – May 29
I know this series has many fans. I have a lot of friends who love these books and are at least cautiously optimistic about the movie. But I'll say here what I said last year when I talked about this movie. I think this movie is 10 years too late. And I'm not seeing a lot of confidence on the side of Disney. They had it dumped in August last year, but then pushed it back when they revamped their schedule following the official purchase of Fox. And now I suppose it's in a more prime summer release date, but they haven't started to re-advertise it yet, which is a problem since it's currently sandwiched between "Fast & Furious 9" and "Wonder Woman 1984" on the calendar. I realize that. I know there's not necessarily strong crossover audience between those three films, but we also have "Scoob!" and "SpongeBob" in May, as well as Pixar's "Soul" right around the corner in June. With all that competition, who all is going to decide to go see "Artemis Fowl" outside the core fan base?
Minions: The Rise of Gru – July 3
I'm not quite sure what to do with this thing. The minions worked well in small doses in the three "Despicable Me" movies. And 90 minutes of minion gags entertained me decently enough the first time around. But I'm not so sure they can get me again. Yet I'm not as angrily repulsed by a Minions sequel as most people on the planet might be. If you're curious as to why this is happening, "Minions" made $1.16 billion worldwide back in 2015, which is currently the fourth highest grossing animated movie, behind only "Frozen," "Incredibles 2" and "Frozen 2." I'm frankly surprised we didn't get this sequel sooner.
The Purge 5 – July 10
It's a Purge movie. They're going to come up with some sort of clever title that somehow relates into a political issue of sorts. It's going to make around $70 million domestically as the fan base here is impressively consistently. Yet I'm not going to care. Thus maybe it's unfair of movie to put this on here since I've never watched any movie in this franchise, but this is big enough that I felt like letting you know that another one is coming out.
Bob’s Burgers: The Movie – July 17
Well, this is technically a Disney animated release now, which is a bit weird to say. Certainly not Disney's animation studio, though. But either way, I've never been into any of these adult-targeted animated shows. I find most of them dumb. And I didn't realize that "Bob's Burgers" was big enough to warrant a movie. It's not like "The Simpsons Movie." That one made since and did quite well. But this one? I don't think so.
The Empty Man – August 7
An August horror/thriller from a nobody director and a nobody. August has the same problem as January. Studios just dump their trash there since it's a bit of an awkward time of the year. And I don't imagine this will make more than just $5 at the box office, so I'm not sure why I decided to bring up. But I did, so deal with it.
Escape Room 2 – August 14
You'll probably never hear about "Empty Man" beyond this post, but "Escape Room 2" you'll certainly here more about. As is typical with some horror franchises, this is an awfully fast turnover following the success of the first "Escape Room" in January 2019. And since Escape Rooms are pretty popular these days, it's smart to take advantage of the trend to do a horror franchise. But no one who saw "Escape Room" last year seemed to care about it, so it's a bit of a missed opportunity. And horror sequels pumped out this fast following an original that wasn't well liked is almost a guarantee for a poor quality film. But the studio here doesn't care since this probably only costing them a few pennies to make.
Bill & Ted Face the Music – August 21
Humor me here for one second, since I know many of you will be upset at me putting this here. Pretend here that I'm a fan of Bill & Ted. Belated comedy sequels rarely work out and I'm specifically looking at the likes of "Zoolander" and "Dumb and Dumber." Both beloved comedy classics. Both took forever to get a sequel out. Both got fans really excited when it was announced the original cast and crew were finally returning a sequel. But then both sequels ended up getting destroyed by critics and audiences alike. Belated comedy sequels don't work. And the two examples I brought up aren't the only examples, just the two biggest ones that come to mind. So again, if I was a fan, I would look at history here with belated comedy sequels and I would be nervous. But time to get real. I think "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" is an unwatchable, insufferable pile of horse manure that drives me up the wall. I've never understood the appeal, so why should I care one iota about a third movie, especially when I've never even heard anything good said about the second movie?
The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard – August 28
“The Hitman’s Bodyguard” was a late August surprise back in 2017 that made $76 million domestically and $177 million worldwide. And I think the only reason why it did so was because it hit gold in terms of being released at a point in time where there was nothing else in theaters. The reaction from critics was that it was a throwaway action film that was only somewhat tolerable because of Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson. So forgive me if this is a franchise that I’m not in a huge rush to catch up on.
Monster Hunter – September 4
Here’s a great example of the power of a director, for better or for worse. I didn’t know what “Monster Hunter” was, but I saw the director and became excited because my brain registered the name as Paul Thomas Anderson, director of movies such as “Phantom Thread,” “Inherent Vice” and “There Will Be Blood.” However, after more careful inspection, I realized that the director was actually Paul W.S. Anderson, director of “Pompeii,” 2011’s “Three Musketeers,” the Resident Evil movie franchise, “Alien vs. Predator” and 1995’s “Mortal Kombat.” Most of his movies are pure trash. At best, people claim them as guilty pleasures. But I don’t think anyone will claim that he’s made genuine, quality movies. Also, “Monster Hunter” is a video game franchise, so anyone who is a fan of that better make sure they like those aforementioned Resident Evil movies because that’s the treatment “Monster Hunter” is getting.
Fatale – October 9
October is horror movie time and thus I’m always down for a good horror or thriller. But this October looks to have a few really good options, so I hope people aren’t tricked into seeing this thriller. This comes from director Deon Taylor, who is responsible for “Black and Blue,” “The Intruder,” “Traffik” and “Meet the Blacks.” Every once in a while a thriller like this comes around in the fall, usually from Screen Gems, that somehow tricks people into seeing it opening weekend. Good examples are “The Intruder,” “The Perfect Guy,” “When the Bough Breaks” or “No Good Deed.” This is one of those and deserves being skipped.
Clifford the Big Red Dog – November 13
I’m not inherently against anything related to “Clifford the Big Red Dog.” The books have been around since the 60’s and the TV show on PBS Kids in the early 2000’s was solid. But if you tell me that they’re planning a live-action movie, my reaction is going to be… WHY? I mean, if it turns out to be a solid kid’s movie, then great. But I’m going to need to see what’s going on here before I can consider being convinced that this was a good idea.
Uncharted – December 18
When will Hollywood learn that adapting video games into movies doesn’t work? I’m not a gamer, so my video game knowledge is limited, but the internet tells me that there are four main games for the Playstation, with a small handful of spin-offs in addition. The internet also tells me they are a series of adventure, third-person shooter games following a treasure hunter who journeys across the world uncovering history mysteries in an Indiana Jones style thing. So this idea could work, but it won’t because it’s a video game adaptation. And it might not come out this year, anyways. It’s been in production since 2008 with a lot of different directors attached. The most recent director was Travis Knight, director of “Bumblebee,” but he just dropped out within this past week. Tom Holland is set to star alongside Mark Wahlberg… if they can even get this off the ground.
Tom and Jerry – December 23
Jeff Goldblum’s quote in Jurassic Park rings true with this movie, and many others here. Said he, “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” But take out scientists and replace it with filmmakers. Yeah, sure, we now have the ability to do a live-action Tom and Jerry movie. Doesn’t mean it should happen. Tom and Jerry is a fantastic cartoon, but it works best in the format of an old-fashioned, animated, episodic cartoon, not a modern, live-action, feature-length movie. And yes, they have made this into a movie before. That would be 1992’s “Tom and Jerry: The Movie.” And that’s more reason why this shouldn’t happen because that movie is complete trash.
The Maybe:
The Gentlemen – January 24
I’ve been really harsh on the new January movies this month as most of them look really bad. The only ones that I’m truly excited for are the ones like “1917” and “Just Mercy” that were actually December releases that are expanding in January. But yeah, of the new releases, “The Gentlemen” looks to be the one potential highlight. It’s a Guy Ritchie movie wherein it looks like Ritchie is going back to his personal style instead of taking on a bigger franchise film. It looks fun and exciting and it also has a large cast that includes Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam, Henry Golding, Michelle Dockery, Jeremy Strong, Eddie Marsden, Colin Farrrell and Hugh Grant. I’m just slightly nervous about the January release date because that doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence from STX. Plus, the Super Bowl is right around the corner in this movie’s second weekend, meaning it has a week in theaters before it gets pummeled.
Sonic the Hedgehog – February 14
If I’m being completely transparent, I didn’t like the idea of a live-action Sonic movie. I also didn’t like the idea of Sonic coming to the human world for the movie. I think if we were to do a Sonic movie, it should be a CGI animated film in Sonic’s own world, made by an animation studio such as Warner Animation Group, Blue Sky, or even Illumination given that one of the bigger studios like Disney, Pixar or DreamWorks wouldn’t be interested. When the first trailer was released, the specific design of Sonic wasn’t my biggest complaint. That being said, I have mad respect for the team here who listened to fans’ complaints and decided to go back and fix things. That never happens. Because of that, I’ve definitely going to see this to give them my money. However, I still don’t think the idea behind this movie is a great one.
Fantasy Island – February 14
The concept behind “Fantasy Island” is an interesting one, but that might be because it’s based on a 1977 TV series of the same name that ran for seven years and had 152 episodes and two TV movies. The basic concept is that people would go to a mysterious island where their fantasies would be granted, but generally speaking the fantasy would turn out horribly wrong. This could make for an excellent supernatural horror film if they stay true to the original series. Or they could be turning a popular series into a jump-scare filled horror film. Based on the trailers, I’m not exactly sure which this will be and February horror films aren’t typically as disastrous films, so this could work. But if it doesn't, I won’t be one bit surprised.
The Call of the Wild – February 21
I haven’t read a whole lot of books in my life, but I’m pretty sure I actually have read Jack London’s 1903 novel “The Call of the Wild” at some point in my life. I’m just not exactly sure when. It may have been in grade school at some point. But the book title is certainly quite familiar. We’ve had a lot of dog movies recently, yet Harrison Ford hanging out with his dog out in the wild looks like it could be a decent, heartwarming family film made by Fox and distributed by Disney. It just doesn’t jump out at me as an absolute must-see. So I don’t know if it will be super high on my priority list, but I still might decide to give it a chance.
The Invisible Man – February 28
I was ready for Universal’s Dark Universe. They were planning a whole ton of modern adaptations of the classic monster movies. With the right directors and writers on board, those could be a lot of fun. But with the initial attempt, 2017’s remake of “The Mummy,” starring Tom Cruise and Sofia Boutella, they spent way too much time setting up a cinematic universe and forgot to make one good stand-alone movie, thus the movie fell flat on its face and the idea of a new Dark Universe seemed dead in the water. Until Jason Blum stepped in and expressed a desire to do “The Invisible Man.” So I don’t know what other movies in this Dark Universe are actually coming, but I think “The Invisible Man” could work out really well, especially as directed by Leigh Whannell, director of 2018’s “Upgrade.” The trailers don’t make me jump out of my seat in excitement, but I’m still holding out hope.
Bloodshot – March 13
This is not a Marvel or DC comic book property, but it is a superhero film released by Sony. Or, well, comic book film at least. Bloodshot comes from Valiant Comics. In reading about him, he seems like a combination of a lot of different characters. He’s essentially a genetically enhanced super solider. He has a billion nanobots in his bloodstream that give him powers of regeneration, allow him to interface with technology and shaft shift his mass. He’s also had his memory wiped on many occasions and afterwards gets sent out as an assassin to kill people. Generally speaking his main objective is to figure out who he is and get revenge on the people who did this to him. So I see elements of Captain America, The Winter Soldier, Wolverine, the Punisher and even Jason Bourne. In this movie version, him and his wife get shot and killed, which is when the organization turn him into this thing. Vin Diesel will be playing him. Given this is Sony and is directed by a first-time director, as well as being derivative of a long of things, this could be a disaster. Or it could be a sleeper hit.
I Still Believe – March 13
The last time we had a Christian movie based on the story behind a popular Christian song, it was called “I Can Only Imagine” and it was quite excellent. Now the Erwin Brothers, the directors of “I Can Only Imagine,” are out to see if they can catch lightning in a bottle twice. The song “I Still Believe” is sung by Christian singer Jeremy Camp and was written after the death of his first wife Melissa, whom he married despite knowing that she was dying of ovarian cancer. I hope I didn’t just spoil the whole movie, but that’s the history behind the song. Given all of that, it does have the ingredients of another good Christian movie, but these Christian movies also have a habit of being slightly generic, so I’m not 100 percent on board.
The Lovebirds – April 3
From director Michael Showalter, director of “The Big Sick,” and also starring Kumail Nanjiani, who portrayed himself in “The Big Sick,” which is the story about how he met his wife, comes “The Lovebirds,” a movie wherein the premise is described as a couple on the brink of breaking up who get caught up in a bizarre and hilarious murder mystery. I like murder mysteries and I like this team-up of Showalter and Nanjiani, so this sounds like a blast, but it’s getting released in April, so I don’t know what’s up with that.
Trolls World Tour – April 17
I never actually reviewed the movie “Trolls.” For some reason I never got around to seeing it in theaters. When I eventually saw it, I thought it was one of the more stupid and juvenile things DreamWorks has done. Sorry. But despite me having no attachment to “Trolls,” this trailer for “Trolls World Tour” had me rolling on the floor laughing. There are seven strings of music and trolls who represent each genre: pop, funk, classical, techno, country, rock and hip-hop. Yet the hard rock troll is out to destroy all other kinds of music to allow rock to rein supreme. If I didn’t do it justice there, just watch the trailers. It looks like one of the dumbest things ever, but in an extremely self-aware sort of way. I really kinda want it right now, but at the same time I’m nervous as to whether or not the movie can be as stupidly awesome as the trailers.
Legally Blonde 3 – May 8
I figured that I’d due my due diligence by informing the world that a “Legally Blonde 3” will be released a weekend after “Black Widow.” It’s been 17 years since “Legally Blonde 2” came out, which in turn was two years after the 2001 release of “Legally Blonde.” I’m not sure this is a third movie that the world was asking for, and the large space between the second and third movie is a bit curious, but as I’ve not seen any of the “Legally Blonde” movies, I’ll let you decide if this is a good thing or not. In the meantime, I guess I have four months to get caught up.
The Woman in the Window – May 15
This right here is a modern-day “Rear Window,” combined with elements of “The Girl on the Train.” A woman who is housebound thinks she witnesses a murder across the way, but she is too drugged up on medications to be trusted by anyone. This is based on a 2018 novel of the same name by A.J. Finn, a pseudonym for Daniel Mallory. The novel has generally positive reviews and the movie was one I was really excited for heading into the latter half of 2019, so long as it was a tribute to classic Hitchcock rather than a generic rip-off. The movie is directed by Joe Wright and stars Amy Adams, Gary Oldman, Anthony Mackie, Brian Tyree Henry, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Julianne Moore. But then when Disney took over for Fox, they threw this movie into the first half of 2020 instead of keeping it in prime awards season territory after the final act of the movie was apparently poorly received in test screenings.
Candyman – June 12
“Candyman,” is a direct sequel to the 1992 version of “Candyman,” as it ignores the two sequels that came after. Thus it is taking a direct page from 2018’s “Halloween,” which ignored all “Halloween” sequels in being a direct sequel to the original while also having the same exact name. I don’t like this trend. If it’s a remake, then fine. Whatever. But sequels need to have a different name than their predecessors. Anyways, the original “Candyman” is on Netflix right now, so I’ll watch it some time before this sequel comes out in June. Jordan Peele is attached as a producer and the director is Nia DaCosta, director of the critically-acclaimed 2018 film “Little Woods” that not many human beings saw.
Top Gun: Maverik – June 26
Belated sequels coming out long after their original movies is a theme this year. Of all the previous movies I’ve brought up on this list, this one currently has the record for longest time in between as “Top Gun” came out in 1986. And like with all the sequels before it on this list, I’m not quite sure what to do with this one, although I will say that Tom Cruise doesn’t look like he’s aged a day since the original movie. At the very least, it looks like he’s only 5-10 years older. Someone needs to show me where this fountain of youth is that he found. And I generally like Tom Cruise movies, so maybe this one will work. “Top Gun” was the highest grossing movie of 1986, so I’m not sure why it took 34 years to release a sequel.
Jungle Cruise – July 24
I’m sorry, theme park rides don’t seem like the best source material to make a movie from, even if it is a theme park like Disneyland where there are a lot of story-based rides. Yes, I know, “Pirates of the Caribbean” worked out phenomenally well, but is that because the ride lent itself to a wonderful movie or is it because pirates in general are good characters to have in movies? And is Jungle Cruise the type of ride that works great for a movie? The trailer doesn’t really do much for me. If it ends up working for me, it’ll be because of Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt. If this is a movie where I have to know all the inside jokes in order to have the optimal amount of entertainment, that's not a good thing.
Morbius – July 31
Sony is looking to kick their Spider-Man-less Cinematic Universe into full gear this year with “Morbius” set to premier just a few months before “Venom 2.” I’m not sure Sony really knows what they’re doing. I think they’re just throwing things at a wall to see what sticks. I like the idea of a Morbius movie, but I’m not willing to commit to a solid opinion on this because I don’t know a ton about Morbius. He’s an award-winning biochemist who gained vampire abilities after a failed experiment that was meant to cure a rare blood disorder. That makes for a really interesting Spider-Man villain, which is what he started out as until he got his own series of comics. And while those comics may have been quite popular, does a movie version without Spider-Man work well enough to separate itself from the other vampire movies?
Infinite – August 7
Late summer or early fall is usually a good time for a solid Antoine Fuqua movie. He’s the director responsible for movies such as “The Equalizer,” “Southpaw,” and the 2016 reboot of “The Magnificent Seven.” I’ve not been madly in love with all of his films, but generally speaking I’d say he’s a solid director. The premise of “Infite” involves a man who learns that visions he’s been having are memories of his past lives, which is intriguing enough. And the cast includes Mark Wahlberg, Dylan O’Brien and Chiwetel Ejiofor, but I suppose I just need to see a trailer for this before I decide how excited I am for it.
Malignant – August 14
A horror movie directed by James Wan. That’s enough to make me curious. In the past he’s been responsible for the likes of “The Conjuring,” “Insidious,” “Saw” and several other popular modern horror films. He’s also been responsible for helping write and produce many others. So he has his finger on the pulse of the genre better than most people in the horror industry. I just don’t know a whole ton about this specific project to get super exciting. Speaking of “The Conjuring,” was it worth him skipping out on “The Conjuring 3” in order to do “Malignant”?
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It – September 11
Generally speaking, the Conjuring universe has been an entertaining one, despite several huge duds along the way, like “Annabelle” and “The Nun.” When it comes to the main saga, I think the first two movies are solid horror movies, although I personally have been a bit frustrated with their desire to shove the “based on a true story” angle down our throats, using that as their main way to scare people rather than simply making a good horror movie. I don’t care how true the story is. In fact, I know it’s all a bunch of B.S., which makes their desire to trick me into believing otherwise a bit off-putting. Just make a good horror movie. That’s all I want. And I hope that’s what they plan on with this third movie. Although the fact that it’s directed by Michael Chaves, director of last year’s “The Curse of La Llorona,” instead of James Wan, makes me less excited for this and more excited for the aforementioned “Malignant.”
Without Remorse – September 18
I don’t know a whole ton about the Jack Ryan movies or books, but “Without Remorse” is a 1993 novel by Tom Clancy that tells the story of John Clark, who is one of the recurring characters in the Jack Ryan Ryan universe. John Clark is played by Michael B. Jordan and the basic idea is that he’s out for revenge against the person who murdered his wife, yet he learns that the conspiracy behind everything is a lot larger than expected. Taylor Sheridan wrote the screenplay for this movie. He’s the writer and director I raved about when I talked about “Those Who Wish Me Dead,” which comes out in October. So refer to that above for more on him. Directing this movie is Stefano Sollima, who directed “Sicario: Day of the Soldado,” also written by Sheridan. I haven’t seen “Day of the Soldado,” but Sollima has also done a lot of other gritty crime dramas, so this movie seems like it’s in his wheelhouse.
The Mitchells vs. The Machines – September 18
This is an animated film from Sony Pictures Animation, the studio who is responsible for both “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” AND “The Emoji Movie,” so you never really know what you are getting from them. This movie specifically, while I don’t know a whole lot about it, is produced by Phil Lord and Chris Miller. Usually the things they do work out.
The Witches – October 9
Three months ago, I made a request to my Facebook friends to suggest Halloween movies for me to review. Only one responded and he said "The Witches." So I reviewed "The Witches," a 1990 film based on a book by Roald Dahl. While it was a perfectly enjoyable movie, it was held back by the lack of technology to do Dahl's story justice. And they changed the ended, causing Dahl to hate the movie. That was the last movie adaptations of his that Dahl watched before he passed away, which is kinda sad. But now they have the chance to do Dahl's original book justice with this remake, which I didn't know existed until I had already watched the 1990 movie. Because of this experience, I have visions in my head of what this movie has the potential to be. I just hope me and Robert Zemeckis are on the same wavelength here.
Respect – October 9
A musical biopic based on the life and legacy of the great Aretha Franklin, with Jennifer Hudson playing the legend. I mean, that's quite the perfect pick when you think about. And Aretha Franklin herself agreed as she handpicked Jennifer Hudson to play her in this movie. So that's good, right? Well, I hope so. Thing is, musical biopics can go one of two ways, the "Bohemian Rhapsody" way or the "Rocketman" way. Let's hope it's the latter, but more often than not it ends up being the former. And we have Liesl Tommy directing and this is her first feature length film she's directing. Let's hope she's a revelation.
Snake Eyes – October 16
I'm not sure why the world thinks we need another "G.I. Joe" film. Both "The Rise of Cobra" in 2009 and "Retaliation" in 2013 were bad movies. And seven years after the second dud, we're trying again? OK. Third time's the charm, right? Either that or three strikes and you're out. Both of these are in play here. But at least if we're bringing back this franchise after a seven year absence, we're basing it around the movie's most interesting character. No, they aren't using the same actor from the other films. I was wondering that myself. In looking it up, I learned that Henry Golding of "Crazy Rich Asians" fame is the man of the hour here.
Stillwater – November 6
This is a drama/thriller wherein a father travels from Oklahoma to France to help his daughter who has been arrested for murder. It stars stars Abigail Breslin and Matt Damon and is directed by Tom McCarthy, who's last film was "Spotlight." OK. You have my attention.
Coming 2 America – December 18
You thought we were done with bringing back franchises of the past? This one doesn't quite beat the record of "Top Gun" for longest belated sequel this year that I brought up in this post as "Coming to America" was released in 1988 and was the third highest grossing film from that year. And yeah, they've titled the sequel, "Coming 2 America," which is all fine and dandy when you look at the poster, but when I try to verbally tell people the title of this movie, that still counts as a sequel that has the same title as its predecessor. It's just stylized differently. So stop it! Anyways, I haven't actually seen "Coming to America," so I don't have much to say here, but Eddie Murphy is back and the director is the guy who just recently directed Murphy in "Dolemite is My Name," so make of that what you will.
The Last Duel – December 25
The final movie of this list is so far out that I'm not 100 percent sure it will remain in 2020. There's also the chance that this is a limited release on Christmas that expands in 2021. And I also don't know a whole ton about it outside that it's a movie about King Charles VI and his duel with his squire Jean de Carrouges. It's directed by Ridley Scott, normally a good director who occasionally slips up and does something bad. And it stars Adam Driver, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Now I debated as to whether or not I should include this, but here's the kicker. In addition to starring in the film, Affleck and Damon also co-wrote the screenplay. The last time the two of them did that, it was a little film called "Good Will Hunting."
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